A Chance Encounter
by GalaxyDuster
Summary: Neela is off on a conference trip when she unexpectedly runs into Ray – and nothing goes quite the way she expects. All season 13 spoilers, and mild spoilers into S14, as well. Warning: Chapter 15 is rated M! Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **A Chance Encounter

**Author: **GalaxyDuster (AKA: Sara)

**Rating: **T (for now)

**Content: **Mild language, alcohol use (for now)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the regular ER characters. Yadda, yadda.

**Spoilers: **Season finale spoilers (13x23)

**Summary: **Neela is off on a conference trip when she unexpectedly runs into Ray – and nothing goes quite the way she expects. (Major spoilers for the content of the finale, please don't read if you don't want to be spoiled.)

**Note:** This story is not connected to the last one I wrote in any way. Please read & review!!!

* * *

Neela Rasgotra was just plain _tired_.

She felt like little weights on strings were hanging from her eyelids, in fact, as she walked through the gold-and-glass revolving doors at the front of the Hollister Hotel. Her bag was packed for just two days worth of things, but it felt especially heavy as she adjusted it over her small shoulder.

Her shoes sank deeply into the plush maroon carpet of the lobby as she crossed to the desk. A tall, thin woman with pin-straight black hair smiled professionally at Neela as she confirmed her reservation. Neela accepted her room key with an equally distant sort of smile, wanting nothing more than to just flop into a big, soft bed and go to sleep.

She slipped into the fancy elevator and pushed a button for the seventh floor. As fatigued as she was, the luxurious deco furnishings were not entirely lost on her.

_And she could have sworn it smelled like lilacs in there. _

There was a soft chime, and the doors slid open. As Neela trudged down the hall, she could hear the faint din of rock music being played loudly somewhere in the hotel. She vaguely recalled that the eighth floor doubled as a conference room, and she decided they were probably using it for a party tonight.

She was there in Baton Rouge for an annual surgeons' convention. It had been years since she'd been to any conferences or conventions, but Crenshaw wouldn't accept no as an answer when he'd asked her to go. She knew he had only sent her because the alternative would have meant Crenshaw having to go, himself. _Bastard probably was afraid of the southern sun beating down on the top of his head._

Neela opened her door softly and set her bag on the floor. The room was exactly what she expected it to be; all shades of gold and red, with a black wrought-iron bed frame. Oddly shaped mirrors – all with perfect finish – decorated the walls of the room.

She thought that she should be more excited, but all she could feel was the exhaustion.

She flopped onto the bed, allowing her body to sink into the thick, fluffy comforter that had been flawlessly spread across the top. Her eyes dipped once – then again – and she slipped into sleep almost immediately.

* * *

It was almost eleven o'clock when Neela awoke later that night. She sat up with a start, momentarily confused as to where she was.

The trip came flooding back to her a few seconds later – _riding on the plane, with the obese man next to her that took up more than his fair share of the seats. __Mentally fighting with herself about whether or not to visit Ray. _

_Staring into the pages of a magazine for three hours without actually reading a single word as she tried to pretend she wasn't worrying about the prospect of visiting Ray. _

_Telling herself, again and again, that she was only coming to Baton Rouge for this stupid conference, which was being forced on her by Crenshaw_. _She didn't even have to see Ray._

_Riding to the hotel in a rental car that still had that new-car smell – and pretending she wasn't thinking about Ray._

Neela got to her feet, shaking her head as she tried putting the long trip out of her mind. It had been a hefty battle of the psyche, and she didn't care for a repeat of it again now. She needed to get out and distract herself.

A trip down to the lobby to look around at the works of art – which the hotel catalogue boasted about to no end – would be the perfect distraction, she decided. She straightened her clothes a bit and ventured back out into the hallway.

The din of rock music had gotten even louder, Neela noticed. She could hear the sound of muffled laughter and chatter along with it. _Definitely sounds like a party_.

She pressed the button for the elevator.

The elevator chimed. The doors slid open.

_And there he was – just standing there. _

* * *

For a moment, Neela thought that she must not have really woken up at all.

Ray, who looked just as tall and cocky as the vision that lived in her memories, was leaning back against the wall of the elevator quite languidly, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes closed completely in thought. He was standing – _standing!_ – quite steadily. And why that should be the first thought she had, she couldn't say, but it was immediately replaced by an onslaught of emotions that rammed into the backs of each other like a sudden pile-up on the interstate.

She stepped into the elevator, acutely aware of the storm that was raging inside of her. He still hadn't opened his eyes.

A hundred possible greetings sprung to mind, but Neela couldn't make a single one roll off her tongue. She stood quietly beside him as the elevator began its descent, staring up into his face with eyes round as dinner plates. _So many things she could say, and not one of them quite right._

Ray's eyes fluttered open then, and he stared directly in front of himself for a moment. Neela followed his line of vision to the foggy but unmistakable reflection of the two of them in the shiny metal elevator doors.

A look of complete and utter shock passed over his face.

He blinked several times in quick succession, and inhaled deeply. Very slowly, he turned his head in her direction.

"_Ray_," she whispered, staring up at him. She couldn't even find any other words.

The look of total astonishment repeated itself, as if he hadn't really believed what he thought he had seen in the reflection. Almost immediately, the look was replaced by an ecstatic, boyish smile.

"_Neela…_"

"What are you doing here?" Neela asked softly. It wasn't the most important thing on her mind at the moment; the question had simply popped out, against any hope of self-control.

"What are _you_ doing here?" He asked, turning his body to face hers. His eyes were bright and burning right into her, Neela thought. She could feel her palms tingling.

"I'm staying here at the hotel. For a conference," she said quickly. Her breath was catching in her chest, and she felt as if someone else were speaking her words. She continued to stare into those familiar eyes, mesmerized.

"I'm here for the party," he explained, shifting back and forth lightly. He seemed happy to see her, yet very nervous, and she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. She didn't really know what to make of _herself_, either.

She could smell him – the same wonderful scent she had always picked up when she'd been close enough to his body. It was going to her head like a shot of tequila. She worried that she would soon be saying something incredibly dumb as a result.

"Who's party?" She heard herself continuing to speak, as if auto-pilot had gotten switched on by mistake in the back of her brain.

The elevator came to a stop. Ray slowly stepped forward, and Neela suddenly realized that he was getting his balance and walking. _She couldn't believe she was watching him walk._ The last time she had seen him, he'd been completely wheelchair-bound. She had _never_ expected him to be walking around on his own.

"A solo artist who used to be good friends with my old band actually became pretty famous," Ray said, continuing to look down at Neela even as he walked. "She's kicking off a national tour next week, and decided to throw a little bash beforehand. Lots of big names are here tonight – as well as old friends." He grinned at her deliberately.

It was the strangest sensation, Neela thought, to have him talking to her, walking beside her, smiling at her – just as he always had before, when they were friends.

_He was walking in step with her – as if he had forgotten all that had happened between them that fateful day at Luka and Abby's wedding. He was smiling genuinely at her – like he had forgotten all about their final words together at the hospital two years ago._

_But he couldn't have forgotten._

_Maybe I am still asleep, _Neela thought.

"Wow, that's great," Neela found herself saying – again, auto-pilot. They came to a stop in a small alcove just off of the lobby, where a complimentary pot of coffee was sitting in its warmer. Ray casually poured himself a cup, not taking his eyes off of Neela any longer than required.

"So, when is your conference?" Ray asked. His eyes continued to match hers over the rim of the coffee cup.

"It starts tomorrow afternoon. They're going to do some sort of dinner-thing to kick it all off – then, you know, it will be an all-day event for two days or so, then they'll round it out with a breakfast and call it quits." Neela could hear herself speaking perfectly and politely, and she wasn't sure who was doing the talking, because she was almost certain that every organ in her belly was being torn to nervous shreds.

"Very cool," Ray nodded, sipping his coffee again.

"Yeah, I s'pose so." She was speaking too quickly again. She cracked a big smile, not knowing what else to do.

Ray lowered his cup of coffee, still staring directly into Neela's eyes. She felt as if he were searching to find some sort of answer hiding in them. Finally, he looked down at the floor and chuckled. "I don't suppose…" he looked back up at her quickly. "Ah… I don't suppose you'd like to go to the party." He said it as if he were expecting her to agree.

Neela looked up at him, her emotions swirling almost to the edge of control. He was being so polite, so friendly, so _normal_ – just what the hell was she supposed to say now?

Auto-pilot seemed to have suddenly stopped working.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimers/content: **As before -- see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note:** So, here's Chapter Two – I really appreciate all the enthusiastic reviews for the first chapter, you guys really put a smile on my face!!! Sorry it's taken this long, I've just started a full-time job so I will probably only be able to update every other day or so – but there will be lots more! I hope you enjoy this chapter. My muses are really giving me a lot to work with. : )

* * *

Ray watched Neela carefully as she smiled up at him. He was pretty sure she was going to say no. That was the natural order of things with her, he reflected. She weighed everything oh-so-carefully, and always ventured the safest route in the end. This probably wouldn't be any different.

Neela looked entirely lost for words. She shuffled her feet, peered over her shoulder, and looked back at him again. "Uh…"

_Definitely going to be a no_, Ray thought.

"Uh, exactly what kind of party are we talking about?" Neela asked nervously, plastering a tight grin on her face. Ray took it for disinterest, rather than the anxiousness that it was.

"Oh, no, that's cool, you probably have to get up early anyway," Ray started to laugh it off, looking down into his coffee cup and forcing a careless smile onto his face. He didn't know why he felt disappointed; he hadn't expected her to accept his impulsive invitation, anyway.

"No… no." Neela surprised herself with her own answer, stepping just a bit closer to Ray as the words poured out of her mouth. "No, I _do_ want to go, Ray, I do. I haven't spent time with you in… well… a very long time," she finished weakly, losing her nerve before she'd barely built any up.

"Are you sure?" He tilted his head to one side, trying to get her to meet his gaze again. She was busy staring at the flowery pattern printed on the maroon carpet under her feet.

She smiled nervously and looked up again, fixing her gaze on the coffee pot this time. "Yeah. I'm sure." She nodded a bit too enthusiastically, and Ray wasn't quite sure what to make of her. He wasn't really sure of himself, for that matter.

"Ok." He reached out and touched the wall for a moment, trying to get his balance before he started walking again.

Neela peered at him curiously. Ray knew she wanted to ask him about his legs; it was written all over her face. She kept glancing at his shoes, so briefly that he would have missed it if he wasn't watching her so intently.

He didn't feel quite ready to broach the subject with her, though. He wanted to keep the conversation on the surface for now; to smile and chat about nothing in particular, like they had done so many years ago. It was simply more comfortable that way.

_He didn't want to think about the last time he had seen her._

Neela seemed to compose herself a small bit as she fell into step with him. They walked until they were back in front of the elevator again. "So, I guess this party is all the racket I could hear coming from the eighth floor?" She asked with a nervous grin.

"Most definitely," Ray agreed. He looked down at Neela as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

Everything about her was virtually the same as he remembered – long, shiny black hair, falling so softly around her tiny frame. Cool, professional, feminine attire – attractive even as it was meant to be so business-like. Giant, dark eyes – so easy to get lost in. The delicate but strong line of her jaw – always determined, yet so sensual. The sweet, soft curve of her lips – Ray swallowed hard as he tried not to think of the one time he had gotten to have a taste of them.

The scent of her – exotic, yet fragile, just as it had always been. _And absolutely intoxicating, despite being barely more than a whisper in the air around her._

The elevator chimed. Ray gestured to the door with what he was sure was a very ridiculous looking grin, indicating that she was to go first. His entire brain had gone a little foggy.

"Well, what a gentleman," Neela murmured. She slipped onto the elevator ahead of him.

* * *

The eighth floor of the Hollister Hotel was quite different from the rest of the building, Neela thought.

It appeared to have been transformed into a rock star's dream, in fact; complete with dimmed lights, flashing strobes of different colors, and blaring music with a beat so heavy it shook the entire room.

Ray sauntered up beside her slowly, looking a bit sheepish, as she took in the scene.

"It's like a rock concert," she decided, folding her arms over her chest.

People were packed from wall to wall throughout the room, Neela noticed. Alcohol was flowing freely. A DJ was set up on a small platform, playing the music from a very formidable set of speakers and subwoofers. The DJ looked very into it; he bobbed his head enthusiastically with the beat, long black hair flying all around him.

Neela looked back and forth a few times. It was very dim in the room, and overcrowded with people, but she could see a relatively clear path from the doorway to the bar.

"Want something to drink?" Ray asked, as if reading her mind. He was suddenly standing quite close, and Neela tried not to think about the heat she could feel radiating from his body.

She turned to him briefly, her gaze landing on his legs. She thought of the amount of people that could bump into him along the way, especially in this kind of crowd. "Uh…"

"Neela." Ray smiled nervously – then sighed. "Stop staring at my legs, ok?"

"I'm not," she said instantly – caught.

"You are." He crossed his arms.

"I'm not," she laughed, staring in the opposite direction.

"Neela."

"_Ray._" She finally looked up at him, exasperated. "For goodness sake, of _course_ I'm staring at your legs. I'm sorry, I can't help it, but you're… you're…"

"Walking?" He said easily.

"Exactly," Neela finished.

"Aren't you a surgeon?" He asked dryly.

Neela looked down at the floor again. "Yes, but I still wasn't expecting…"

"It's been two years," Ray said, his expression flat. Neela felt her pulse prick up at the tone of his voice. _Oh, God, here it comes._

"I know it has, Ray – I know." She couldn't look up at him again.

She wanted to. She wanted to look him right in the eye and apologize for all the times she had come so close to picking up her phone and dialing his number. For all the occasions that would have been the perfect chance to break the silence between them – his birthday. Christmas. New Year's. But she hadn't called him. She hadn't spoken to him a single time since the last time they had seen one another, at the hospital – right before he had gone home to Baton Rouge.

Ray sighed softly again. "Look, someone my age – in relatively good health – you know, I went through so much PT just to get this far – " he trailed off, staring at the wall, looking like this was the last conversation in the world he wanted to be having.

Neela knew, of course. She knew that a double-amputee could learn to walk again with prosthetic devices, especially if they were young and healthy. She wasn't really sure why she _hadn't_ expected Ray to go through with the therapy and learn to walk again. All this time, she had been picturing him in her mind as an invalid. She hadn't dreamed that he could be doing so well.

_She hadn't believed that it would be possible for him to bounce back from what she'd done to him._

"Forget it," Ray said, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "We don't have to talk about this anymore. Let's have a drink, ok?"

Not wanting to insult or upset him further, Neela nodded her head in agreement.

As they made their way to the bar, Neela stole another quick glance at Ray. He had excellent balance, normal gait, natural speed – if she hadn't known there was anything wrong with him, she never would have guessed that there _was_. She was incredibly impressed with him – and ashamed of herself as well, for not realizing that he could have gotten so much better.

Ray and Neela squeezed their way up to the bar. The bartender, a stocky man with a long, braided beard, and several large tattoos on his forearms, approached them with a friendly snarl. "What can I getcha?"

"Jack and Coke for me," Ray said.

"And I'd like…"

"A shot of tequila for the lady," Ray finished, looking back down at Neela. His eyes were burning into her again. She felt her stomach tie into a slow knot.

"You knew exactly what I was going to ask for." She whispered, glad it was too dark for him to notice that her face was aflame.

"I remember." He flashed a quick grin before looking down at the surface of the bar.

Neela took a few deep breaths, staring off into space to try and gather herself.

Their drinks were placed on the bar top just a moment later. Ray exchanged money with the bartender, who appeared to also have tattoos of spider webs on the palms of his hands.

A tall, slim woman with long blond hair was pushing her way up to the bar, Neela noticed. Her facial features were absolutely flawless – high cheekbones, full lips, and big flirty eyes covered in smoky colored makeup. The woman's turquoise shirt was cropped incredibly short, stopping just low enough to barely cover her enormous breasts. Her pants were dark denim; skin-tight. She wore tall, strappy black heels to complete the ensemble.

"Hey, Ray," the blond purred, slithering up against his side. She leaned over the bar, slitting her eyes at him suggestively, just a hint of a smile crossing her pouty lips.

"Hey, Kit," he murmured, returning an equally flirty smile.

Neela lifted her tequila shot and sucked it down without pausing for thought.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note:** Thanks for all the wonderful comments about the story, guys!!! I've been taking your ideas and suggestions under consideration as I write – please feel free to tell me any other ideas you have for improvement! (PS: Yes, a double-amputee actually can learn to walk again with prosthetics – all on their own – I did some research on this!). I wish I had a chance to update the story more often, but – I gotta pay the bills, haha. Since it's the weekend right now, expect the next chapter to be up tomorrow. Anyway, without further ado, I give you Chapter Three :)

* * *

For some reason – which she couldn't quite explain – Neela felt like her stomach had just dropped to the floor.

Well, if she was to be perfectly honest, she _could_ explain it – without a moment's hesitation. But she didn't want to be _that_ kind of woman, so she decided it would be easier to just go on feigning indifference for now.

"Have you been enjoying my party, Ray?" The blond breasts asked.

Neela pretended ardently to study a poster of The Rolling Stones that was taped up on the long mirror behind the bar. As much as she wanted to peek over at Ray and… and… well, she just _wouldn't_ peek over. It was that simple.

"It's a _great_ party," Ray drawled. Neela felt his elbow brush hers lightly as he shifted himself to face Kit.

"Glad you like it," the other woman laughed – a deep, slow, sensual noise.

Neela tapped her glass on the bar, hoping to get the bartender's attention again.

Ray jumped, quickly turning to stare at Neela as if he had forgotten she was standing there next to him. "Oh, Kit, I didn't introduce you to my friend. This is Neela. Neela – this is Kitty."

Rolling her eyes toward what she hoped really were in fact the heavens, Neela turned to face Kit – or, as she had already dubbed her, _Bimbette_ – with a plaster-perfect smile. "Hi, nice to meet you," she bubbled, trying her best to look charmed.

"The pleasure is mine," said Kit, reaching out to shake Neela's hand. Her smile appeared genuine, but Neela wasn't really sure she could buy it. More than a few of Bimbette's body parts didn't appear to be quite genuine.

"So, this is _your_ party?" Neela asked, her smile rigid.

"Yeah, Kit is the friend I was telling you about earlier," Ray said, taking a swallow of his drink. "She's about to start a national tour – very exciting."

"I still say you should come with me," Kit smiled, bumping her hip against Ray playfully.

Neela watched as Ray discretely gripped the edge of the bar to keep his balance.

"No, I'm afraid I've lost the desire to travel around the country, spending night after endless night partying, surrounded by hordes of young, beautiful women – wait, where do I sign up?" Ray joked.

"It hasn't been the same without you guys. Without _you_." Bimbette was smiling even more, if it was possible.

Neela felt disgust – and something else she couldn't identify – course through her body. She curled her toes up inside her shoes, trying fruitlessly to oppose the nasty sensation that was assaulting her.

The bartender passed her another shot of tequila. Neela saw Ray peering at her curiously as she sucked the drink down with barely a wince.

Kit reached out and stroked Ray's arm, drawing his attention to her once more. "Now, Ray, I don't think I've seen you in at least, oh… six years. Tell me what you've been doing… how did you end up back in Baton Rouge?"

Even in the dim light, Neela could have sworn that Ray had started flushing a peculiar shade of pink.

"Ahh, well… you know… I just felt like being home for a little while," Ray said vaguely.

It occurred to Neela then that Ray probably hadn't told many of his friends what had really happened to him. She wondered if his old band-mates knew anything about it. She felt her heart breaking all over again as she realized the kind of impact his accident had made on every little aspect of his life.

"So, Neela, what do you do with yourself?" Kit asked, in her enviably deep, sultry voice.

"I'm a surgeon," Neela said, a little too cheerfully. For the second time that evening, she wasn't sure who was doing the speaking for her, because her disquiet was escalating to a dangerous level inside.

"Wow," Kit murmured, sounding very impressed. "You two must have met when you were playing doctor, Ray." Kit smiled at him with a private, knowing kind of grin, and leaned up against the bar.

Bimbette had arched her back at just enough of an angle to be obviously seductive. The way she was leaning pushed her breasts even higher, creating more cleavage than before. As could only be predicted, Ray's eyes were drawn to the bait.

Neela almost audibly groaned. _Why had she agreed to come to this party?_

"Ray, I, uh, thanks for the drink, but I better get going," Neela stammered quickly, sounding far more collected than she felt. She let the shot glass drop from her fingers a little too quickly, and it rolled several inches down the bar. She turned on her heel and started blindly walking toward where she thought – and hoped – the exit was.

"Neela?" Ray sounded entirely confused as Neela raced away from the bar.

Neela didn't look back as she broke into a slow run, finding her way to the door, and then the elevators. She stepped into the elevator car without even paying attention to what she was doing. It didn't seem to take long to find her room, shuffle the key out of her pocket, and let herself in.

Once she was in the room, Neela felt everything that had been trapped inside of her start pouring out at once. Tears sprung to her eyes immediately.

_Tears – for her friend. _

_Tears – for the loss of that friendship over the past few years. _

_And tears – for herself._ She covered her mouth with one hand as she slid down onto the soft carpet, sitting just inside her door, suddenly hysterical over all of her long-repressed regrets.

She cried for the choices she had made so long ago – choices that now seemed like they should have been so easy to make.

She cried for suffering she had caused her friend, and the parts of his life, the parts of his body, that he had lost – because of _her_.

Neela lay down and rested the side of her face against the carpet, curling tightly into herself, lost in her thoughts. Tears continued to fall, running over her cheek and soaking into the fabric of the rug. Her eyes were so hot and blurry, she couldn't see anything but an impression of the room around her.

It wasn't long before she slipped into sleep, right there on the floor – tears drying in shiny streaks across her face.

* * *

Sun had begun to slip through her blinds when Neela finally woke up, sprawled out uncomfortably on the floor of her hotel room. She lifted her head slowly – and promptly put it down again when she realized how much it hurt.

It had been a bit of a while since she'd done shots of tequila.

Carefully, she dragged her body up off of the floor, and stumbled into the small bathroom behind her. She ran the shower full hot, stepping under the powerful spray, and allowed the full pressure of it to drum on the back of her neck where the pain was concentrated most.

The heat did little to resolve the sad ache that had formed around her heart.

Fifteen minutes later, she was wrapped in a thick maroon towel and about to attack her hair with the blow-dryer when she heard a soft tapping on her door.

Intrigued, she stuck her eye up to the peep-hole to see who was outside. Surely none of the other doctors for the conference would be paying her a visit.

When she realized it was Ray standing outside her door, she could have sworn her heart actually stopped.

_Where was a crash cart when you needed one?_

For a moment, she wondered if she could just _not_ answer the door – just pretend to not even be there. She looked over her shoulder frantically, then back at the door, not sure exactly what she ought to do.

Her pulse had returned, and now it was scrambling.

_How the hell did he know what room she was in?_

Ray tapped on the door again, this time with a bit more demand.

Neela found the portion of the towel she had tucked over on the side and clutched it tightly to be sure it wouldn't start slipping. She stood there, just inches from the door, dripping wet and starting to shiver, completely unable to make up her mind.

"Neela, I know you're in there," Ray muttered against the door.

Gripping the towel even more tightly, Neela unlocked the door – which was a feat, as her fingers were shaking mercilessly – and pulled it open just enough to peek around the edge at him.

"Neela," he said, so softly that she felt as if her heart had stopped again.

She was trying to figure out if a blow-dryer could quickly be fashioned into a defibrillator when she realized that Ray had started to nudge her door open with his elbow. By the time she had recovered from the shock of _that_, he had already planted himself well into the doorway, and there wasn't much of a way to close the door in his face.

"_Please_," Ray said, still speaking so softly that Neela felt her hand slip limply away from the doorknob.

People started walking by in the hallway. Remembering suddenly that she was clad in nothing but a fluffy towel, Neela jumped back. Ray took the advantage, slipping deftly into the room. The door fell shut behind him with a loud _click_.

"Where'd you go?" He asked, staring down into her eyes like she was the most important thing in the world.

She couldn't help but stare back up into his – dark green, gilded with a warm layer of gold – and she couldn't think of a single word to say. Her entire body was trembling, and had gone almost delightfully numb.

To his credit, Ray didn't let his gaze travel down to the towel she had wrapped around her otherwise naked body. He kept his eyes on her face, and the look he was giving her could have probably melted stone.

"You ran away so fast last night, I…"

She closed her eyes and shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts. "I know, I'm sorry, Ray. I just got… I got… overwhelmed." She opened her eyes again, but couldn't quite look at him.

"We barely got a chance to say hello," he murmured, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

"Neela." He shifted his weight, trying unsuccessfully to get her to meet his eyes again. "Why did you leave so fast?"

Neela felt her chin starting to tremble, and she was helpless to stop it. "I… I don't know. I'm sorry, Ray. I don't know what to say." She felt her eyes burning again, and the fact that she couldn't stop the physical reaction she was having only brought the tears closer to the surface. _And she hated herself for it._

Neela watched as Ray's chest rose and fell on a very deep breath. He looked so confused, and yet so concerned, that her tears finally spilled over and slid traitorously down her cheeks. She couldn't whisk them away without letting go of the towel – and so she stood there helplessly, watching Ray watching her cry, feeling like an absolute fool.

"Oh, Neela," he sighed. He pulled his hands out of his pockets – then stuffed them back in, not entirely sure what he thought he was going to be doing with them. "Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, fixing her gaze on the logo of his shirt. She tried taking deep breaths, hoping to calm herself. She was making a scene – something she hated – and she couldn't seem to stop it from happening.

Ray pulled his hands out of his pockets again – this time, he ran one through his hair. "No, don't be sorry. _Please_. I just – oh God, please –"

He looked incredibly uncomfortable as Neela was suddenly overcome with sobs that hitched her breath and shook her entire body. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, clutching her towel with white knuckles, as a stream of hot tears continued to fall from underneath her long, dark eyelashes. Small sounds of despair escaped her throat between breaths, each one of them causing Ray to blink in uncertainty, obviously not knowing what to do.

"How can you be so damned gracious with me?" She finally whispered, just barely opening her watery eyes to look at him. "Even now. Even here, right now, how can you be so bloody calm and polite and forgiving with me?" Tears continued to spill, but she felt like she had gone numb again. There was nothing that was going to stop this now.

"What do you mean?" He asked gently, folding his arms over his chest, just to be safe.

"How can you be so kind, so caring, so… so friendly…" Neela continued, biting down on her bottom lip in a vain attempt to stave off the flow of tears.

"Why shouldn't I be?" He whispered, looking utterly bewildered now.

"After what…" Neela paused, rolling her eyes to the ceiling, trying to force along the words that were burning in her throat. "After what… after what I did to you…" Her voice was high and shaky, and she didn't try to stop the tears anymore. She had gotten the words out – past the fear, past the disgust, past the part of her that didn't want to think about it ever again. They hung in the air between them now, and Neela knew that Ray would have no choice but to agree.

She hadn't expected that he wouldn't.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note:** Once again, thank you all SO MUCH for the wonderful reviews of this story!!! I never dreamed that people would be enjoying it this much, and I am very happy that you are! For now, here is Chapter Four – hope you like it :-D

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_She wasn't wearing anything but a cute, fluffy towel._

Ray was absolutely certain that this was an inappropriate thought to be having at the moment – but there it was, front and center – and the towel really seemed like a safer place to be staring right now, anyway.

Tears were pouring down Neela's delicate face, and she clutched the towel desperately with both of her hands – as if her very life depended on not letting go.

Her eyes were squeezed shut tightly, but Ray couldn't quite bring himself to look at her face. The anguish he saw there was almost unbearable.

"Neela, you can't _possibly_ think that I…"

"_I did this to you,_" Neela repeated, her lower lip shaking uncontrollably.

Her entire body was shaking, he realized with a bit of a start. Her hair was dripping wet, and the air conditioning in the room was on full-blast. She was probably freezing cold.

"That's not true, Neela," he said gently, stepping around her.

She opened her eyes again and watched, completely puzzled, as Ray walked toward her bed. He yanked the large comforter from the top and slowly walked back over to where she was standing. She had turned to see what he was doing, facing him, and the sunlight from the windows caught the tears on her face, making them glitter. Something about it touched him in a way he couldn't quite describe, even to himself.

Ray lifted the oversized blanket and wrapped it carefully around her shoulders, standing so close that he could smell the soap she had showered with. The scent reminded him of the way their shower had always smelled – back when they had lived together. _Something like lilacs._

He felt Neela's hands grasp the blanket from the inside, and she clutched it around herself just as fiercely as she'd been clutching the towel. She pulled it taut around her body, trying to get warm.

Another inappropriate thought or two flitted across Ray's mind as her damp towel dropped to the floor from underneath the blanket.

"Thank you," Neela whispered, her voice sounding completely raw.

"No problem," said Ray, feeling his brain start to go a little foggy again. _He was standing close enough to put his arms around her – if he wanted to._

They fell silent for a few moments – Neela stared down at the floor, still shaking, and Ray stared at the top of her head, appreciating the way her long, dark hair was tangled and falling all around her shoulders. She pulled the blanket up under her chin for warmth – and her bare, dainty feet popped out from the bottom.

Feeling absolutely foolish for the thoughts he was having, Ray took a step back and looked at one of the paintings on the wall, which he figured was the safest thing to do at the moment. "Neela, I don't blame you for the things that have happened to me," he said gently, trying to find the words that would erase the incredible sadness he had seen on her face.

"I blame myself," she murmured, continuing to stare down at the floor.

"Don't." Ray shook his head. "Neela, I never blamed you for… for this," he said, gesturing quickly at his legs. "_Never._"

She sniffled loudly, tipping her head up just enough to stare at his chest. "How could you _not?_"

"Neela, it was my own dumb luck that caused this to happen. I've always known that. I haven't got anybody to blame but myself." Ray built up enough courage to glance back down at her face – just in time to see her look up at him.

"Really?" She looked completely dazed, like she couldn't understand what he was saying.

"Yes. Really." He tried for a smile, but the way she was looking at him made it difficult to hold it in place. She looked so sad, so lost – everything in him itched to reach out and pull her against him.

Not trusting himself not to, he jammed his hands back into his pockets.

"Ray, when I got sent here for this conference, I wasn't even sure I would contact you," Neela confessed. "I was so afraid that you wouldn't want to hear from me…"

"I know," he replied, staring at a point over her head. "I wasn't really expecting to ever see you again, Neela. And when I came across you last night, I was so… I don't know." He yanked a hand free to run through his hair again. He dropped his voice to nearly a whisper. "I was so _happy_."

She was staring into his eyes again, and he couldn't pull his gaze away this time.

"I never imagined you would be happy to see me." Neela sniffled again, but the tears on her face had started to dry.

"Then you imagined wrong." Ray swallowed hard, staring down into her soft, chocolate-colored eyes. _All he had to do was take half a step forward_, he thought, feeling an incredible thrill work its way through him.

Neela seemed to realize where his thoughts were heading, and this time it was she who took a step back. "Ray, how did you figure out what room I was staying in?"

Grateful that she had broken the proximity, Ray laughed. "I called the front desk first thing in the morning. They were more than happy to tell me where you were."

"I see." She attempted a small grin, but he could see the confusion – and awareness – swirling in her eyes.

"So why _did_ you leave the party last night?" He asked, suddenly curious on that point. He could understand that she blamed herself for his accident – but they hadn't been on that subject when she'd run off the night before.

"Oh." Looking caught, Neela glanced down at the floor, and then the wall. "Like I said, I was just… overwhelmed."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Overwhelmed? We barely even got to talk."

"Yes, I know, but I was just overwhelmed. By seeing you," she explained, still not quite looking at him.

A hilarious idea had sprouted itself in his mind, and Ray found the corners of his lips twitching with the thought of it. "Was it Kit?"

"Oh, of _course not._" Neela looked at him full-on now, and her cheeks had gone bright pink.

Ray worked hard to suppress the laughter that was trying to find its way out. "It _so_ was."

"It was not!" She insisted, angrily wiggling the portion of the blanket that was held together in her fists. "Why on earth should I care who your girlfriend is? It's no concern of mine."

"She's not my girlfriend," he said easily, enjoying himself now. Neela – jealous – wasn't something he thought he'd ever see. Especially where he was concerned.

"No? Well she was certainly acting like it," Neela said, a little too sweetly, which Ray took as solid confirmation of his theory.

"Well then," he said, folding his arms over his chest again. "I guess that's why you left."

Neela sighed. She looked down at herself, at the blanket, as if she was just suddenly realizing that she had been standing there like that the entire time. "Ray, I really was overwhelmed for a lot of reasons. That was just the icing on the cake, you know? It doesn't really matter. I'm glad you're happy. You're thriving. You're doing better than I ever imagined you would be, and she's very beautiful," Neela stammered, backing toward the bathroom door.

"Neela…"

"I really better get in here and get dressed," She laughed, audibly nervous. She slipped into the bathroom and closed the door immediately, leaving him to stand alone by the foot of her bed.

Suddenly tired, Ray reached up and rubbed his eyes with his fists. It probably wouldn't be any use telling Neela that he hadn't seen Kit in about six years, and that he would no sooner sleep with her than he would with a ten-dollar prostitute. Kit was the kind of woman who had taken a turn with just about everyone – particularly, people he knew. And he just wasn't the type to partake in that kind of sharing.

Although, truth be told, he couldn't say he hadn't briefly flirted with the idea. Two years was a long time to go without having sex – and he was almost to a point where he'd probably sleep with any willing female that propositioned him. _As long as they didn't run away in disgust,_ he thought, chagrined.

Neela popped back out of the bathroom a few minutes later, dressed to the nines in a slim black suit and a crisp, pastel-blue blouse. She had taken time to untangle her hair, and it fell in soft, neat waves over her shoulders. She smiled at Ray, which he found to be a truly beautiful sight, but she stayed by the door, not seeming brave enough to stand close to him again.

"You look fantastic," he said simply, knowing she would at least appreciate the compliment.

"Thanks. As do you. You hardly look like you were awake all night, partying."

"That's because I wasn't," Ray replied, shaking his head. "I left about five minutes after you did, because I wanted to find you." He took a few steps toward her, and held back a sigh when she took a few steps back. "When I couldn't, I decided to go home."

Neela seemed too nervous with the prospect of continuing in that vein, and promptly took the opportunity to change the subject. "Oh, where are you living now?"

"I have a small apartment in town, not too far from here," he said. It was nothing like the apartment they used to share.

"Oh. I see." Neela nodded.

"I'll tell you all about it," Ray said, scrunching up his face for a moment as he measured his next words. "…over breakfast."

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note:** Well, I'm sorry it's taking so long – by the time I get home from work, and do the whole "second shift" thing, I either fall asleep, or I get to do some writing!. :-P I just wish there were more hours in a day! Anyway, I am thrilled that everyone is enjoying the story so much. Hopefully I'll be able to get at least two more chapters out over the long weekend. For now, I really hope you enjoy Chapter Five:)

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In Ray's humble opinion, The House of Rock was the best thing to ever happen to breakfast.

However, he could tell by one glance at Neela's face that she was going to need some convincing of that.

She looked up at the sign over the entrance, furrowing one perfectly arched brow, and folded her arms across her chest. "The House of Rock? You're kidding, right?"

"No, no, not at all," Ray said earnestly, sensing her disapproval – and hoping to squelch it. "Come inside, you have to see this place for yourself. Best breakfast I've ever had." Just in case she was thinking of backing out, Ray quickly scooted up behind her and pushed open the tall glass door of the restaurant. Reluctantly, Neela stepped inside.

They were greeted by a wide, bustling room, which was framed by giant bay windows and a tall, vaulted ceiling. The light was controlled to a dim level by alternating red and black window-blinds, and the walls were papered with posters and novelty neon signs. Concert promotions, magazine photos, and candid shots of rock stars, present and past, covered every inch of the walls, giving the restaurant a truly unique, historic feeling.

Ray had taken the time to look at almost all of the wall decorations on various occasions, as this was a restaurant he frequented. The posters were a combination of authentic and duplicate items – there was even an original advertisement from the Beatles' first American appearance, framed, right on the wall by the drinking fountain.

He remembered it in particular, as he had stopped at that fountain in his wheelchair a time or two before he'd been able to walk.

The rest of the room was simple in style – wide, unfinished hardwood planks made for a purposefully weathered-looking floor. The tables were made of the same rustic material, and each one was framed by a circular bench topped with soft black leather cushions. Music played at an acceptable level over the speaker system – a variety of rock, of course.

The place, he noticed, was packed.

"Well, this is… different," Neela said, taking in the room with wide eyes.

"You don't like it?" Ray asked, watching her face to try and discern her reaction.

"We'll have to see how the food is," Neela said, looking back at him suspiciously. He could tell she hadn't decided whether or not she liked the place, yet.

"Ok," he laughed.

A few minutes later, they were shown to a small booth in the corner. Each table had its own unique decoration, and theirs happened to be an autographed Van Halen LP. Neela looked around at the walls curiously as she slid into her seat. Ray sat opposite her, enjoying the different expressions that passed over her face each time she noticed something new.

"What do you think?" He asked, unable to wait any longer for her opinion.

"I haven't decided yet," she said primly, unfolding her menu.

"Well, alright then." Ray smirked, opening his own menu. It was the same fare you would find in any other breakfast house, but most of the dishes had rock-themed names that he could hear Neela snickering about from across the table.

"I have to tell you, I've never been to a rock-and-roll breakfast house before," Neela said, humor lighting her eyes over the pages of the menu.

"It's very unique," he agreed.

"Well, they have blueberry waffles, and that's all that is necessary to please me," Neela said, looking satisfied. She folded her menu back up and met Ray's eyes across the table.

Suddenly flustered, he looked back down at the menu choices. "Just waffles?" He asked cautiously.

"Oh, probably some scrambled eggs and toast, as well," Neela said easily. He could tell she was still staring at him. He made a point not to look back, as he sensed she had something serious to say.

"Ray…"

"Yeah?" He stared hard at a picture of pancakes on the third page.

"I just wanted to thank you," Neela said softly. "I behaved like a total disaster this morning, and you were just so gracious with me. You didn't have to be, but you were, and I appreciate that."

"Oh. Well. That's no problem," Ray muttered, clearing his throat.

"And I really appreciate being treated to breakfast," she added, still sounding serious.

"What? You aren't paying?" He joked, feeling uncomfortable at the sincerity of her voice.

"I'm so glad we ran into each other, Ray. To think that I might have gone back home in a few days without even talking to you…"

Her words struck a chord in him somewhere, although he couldn't pinpoint exactly what the feeling was. Uneasy, he tried to shrug it off, but it seemed to linger in the corner of his mind. "Yeah, I guess we'd have gone a lot longer without speaking," he said vaguely.

Neela furrowed her brow again. "I was so worried that you'd be upset, after all this time, since I hadn't gotten in contact with you. I was afraid that you would be angry with me."

The chord was struck again; even harder this time. "Don't worry about it," he said quickly, trying to blur past the sudden, baffling onset of emotions.

Ray knew he was trying to avoid talking about the complex situation he had left behind with Neela two years ago. Every time he pictured their last conversation together in the hospital, he quickly changed his thoughts to something else. He definitely didn't want to talk about it. He wasn't even quite sure why – but every time he came close to the subject, he found himself scrambling backwards, as if he were too close to the plume of a tremulous volcano.

Unfortunately, Neela seemed to pick up on the change in his tone. "Ray?"

"Yeah?" He tapped his finger on top of the menu, still pretending to read it.

"Something wrong?"

"No, not at all." He spared her a quick glance, then looked back down at his page. He didn't want to broach this subject. He couldn't bear the thought of mentally reliving those few weeks of his life again, even if it were only for a few minutes. The memories had been neatly compartmentalized in his head and almost forgotten – _leave it to Neela to start stirring them up again._ It was the last thing he wanted to think about.

Neela watched him carefully for a few minutes, as if she were trying to decide whether or not to press the issue further. Fortunately, a waitress materialized at their side right then, and they were both distracted enough to put the issue aside for the moment.

Neela ordered her waffles and scrambled eggs; Ray decided on the stack of pancakes he'd been staring at for the last five minutes. The waitress left in a hurry – no doubt sensing the tension at the table – and they were suddenly cast into an uncomfortable silence.

Ray fought desperately to revive a friendly conversation. "So… how is your surgical residency doing?"

"Oh, it's going very well," Neela said, sounding relieved.

"Dubenko and Crenshaw still there?"

"Oh, yes," Neela chuckled, folding her hands on the table and staring down at them. "Crenshaw actually sent me here. I think he was too lazy to come, himself."

"That sounds pretty typical." Ray's gaze also landed on Neela's folded hands. He fleetingly recalled what it had felt like to touch the smooth skin around her wrists. Pained by the memory this time, he looked away.

"Oh, for goodness sake," Neela sighed. "I can tell something is bothering you all of the sudden – why don't you want to just get it off your chest?"

"Let's just not go there," Ray muttered, staring at the cover of the signed LP, which was mounted quite securely to the wall. "It's not something I even want to talk about."

"But it's something to do with me, isn't it?" Neela asked quietly, her eyes sad.

"Yes," Ray admitted.

"Well, what is it?"

Ray picked up a napkin and balled it in his hand. He had a feeling Neela wasn't going to stop pressing until she had gotten an answer out of him.

"Ray, please, just tell me what it is."

He sighed deeply, trying to choose his words carefully. "Well, I guess I was just thinking that it would have been nice to hear from you at some point during the last two years."

"I know. And I'm sorry," Neela said carefully, trying to meet his eyes.

Ray avoided her gaze expertly, knowing that he was hurting her with his words, much as he didn't want to. "I don't blame you for what happened to me, Neela. But I do have… a little trouble… understanding why you never called me."

She seemed lost for words. Ray finally looked up at her, and he could see her eyes, wide and shining, staring back into his. She took a deep breath, spreading her hands out on the table as she spoke. "I know I should have. I really should have. But I honestly thought you didn't want to talk to me. Then, one month turned into six, and that turned into a year – I just didn't know what I would say to you…"

"Right. Fine. That's ok," Ray said quickly, although he knew it wasn't ok. Not for him. He had spent many miserable nights laying awake, wondering about her, wondering if she would ever try to call him. Wondering if he'd missed her call weeks ago, or months ago, and hoping it wasn't too late.

Now he knew – she really hadn't bothered trying to keep in touch with him at all.

"The way we left it, Ray…" She said softly, her voice wavering. "I really thought you wouldn't want to talk to me again. I felt like you were so angry with me, so bitter…"

"Of course I was bitter," he interrupted, feeling a wave of heat surge through him. "I had just lost my legs. What I needed was a friend, and I didn't get that. From you, or anybody else."

"You know, not even an hour ago you were assuring me that you didn't blame me for any of this," Neela accused, standing up quickly from the table. He could see her eyes burning now.

"I don't," he said simply, trying to stay calm despite the fear that was jumping in his chest.

"Yet here you sit, accusing me of betraying you and being a terrible friend," she continued, her voice rising a little higher on each word.

"Now hold on, Neela…"

"No, I'm not going to hold on. You need to decide right now whether or not you're going to sit there and say these things to me, or if you're going to forgive me. Because you can't say one thing and then change your mind the next minute."

"Neela –"

"I felt terrible, Ray. Absolutely terrible. Nobody regrets the fact that I never called more than I do, I assure you. If you have to rub it in my face, then fine." She turned to leave.

"Don't go," he pleaded, his voice so soft that he thought she might not even have heard him.

But she stopped, and she looked up at the ceiling before turning around to face him. "You need to make up your mind, Ray."

"My mind has been made up all along, Neela." He stood now, not knowing how else to reach her. He stood close, but clasped his hands behind his back to keep them out of the equation. "I don't blame you for my problems. I don't blame you for worrying that I wouldn't want to talk to you. But for god's sake, Neela – I thought you were my _friend_."

She looked incredibly wounded. "Of course I'm your friend." Her voice was perilously close to breaking, he realized.

Disgusted by the pain he had managed to cause her when they had been so friendly just moments before, Ray looked into her eyes and took a deep breath. "Neela, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm not trying to take anything out on you. I've just had a lot of unhappiness pent up for a long time. This hasn't been easy for me."

Her eyes sparkled; tears that threatened to fall if he continued in this vein. Ray swallowed hard, watching her struggle, as she tried to compose her response.

"I can understand how you feel, Ray. I know it was wrong of me not to call you. I thought about it almost every day. I thought about how you might feel. But I also worried that my calls wouldn't be welcome. I never imagined you'd want to hear from me. I thought you blamed me. I –"

The waitress reappeared, holding their food. She looked at them curiously, as they were both standing beside the table, wrapped in an obviously intense and emotional conversation. The waitress looked back and forth between them, silently questioning whether or not to set down their plates.

Neela looked between the waitress and Ray, torn by her decision of whether or not to go. Ray could see it in her eyes – she didn't want to be rude, but she was incredibly upset, and he knew it was his own fault.

"Neela," he murmured, desperate for her not to walk away again. "Please, sit and have breakfast with me."

Sadness – and hope – swirled in her dark eyes, as she looked between him and the waitress again, still deciding. She swallowed, and he knew it wouldn't take much to persuade her either way.

"_Please_, Neela. I don't want you to go."

She took a deep breath, nodded her head – and cautiously sat back down at the table. Ray felt relief pour through him as he settled back down into his own seat, watching her face as he did.

Still looking perplexed, the waitress set their plates and mugs down on the table, taking a slow glance at each of them as she did.

As soon as she was gone, Ray impulsively reached over the table top and covered Neela's hand with his own.

"Thank you… for not leaving," he whispered.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **Thank you all so much for your reviews of the last chapter! I spent my holiday weekend with a stomach bug – of all things! – so I didn't get as far as I intended. However, I have definitely been reading all of your thoughts and suggestions, and I hope you like where the story is going so far. My muses have some interesting plans for the next few chapters, so hopefully you'll keep checking back to read them! ;)

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The display was touting the benefits of statins in preventing the need for open-heart surgery later in life.

Neela, however, wasn't really paying that much attention. Most of the patients that came through on the operating table didn't give a damn about statins – and right now, neither did she.

The surgeon's convention was in full swing, but in Neela's opinion, it couldn't have been less exciting. Booths galore had been set up in the Baton Rouge Convention Center, each one proudly displaying a new drug or tool or technology designed to make life easier for a surgeon. Everything from new scalpels to forehead restraints was represented among the dozens of medical advertisers present. And there were plenty of famous lecturers on the schedule, as well.

The problem was, Neela no longer had a sliver of interest in any of it. She hadn't really been thrilled when Crenshaw had given her the command to attend the conference in the first place – and now that she had spent the past sixteen hours dealing with the emotional aftermath of seeing Ray again, she didn't really want to think about anything dealing with surgery or medicine in the slightest.

Sixteen hours – eleven o'clock last night until now, three o'clock in the afternoon – that was all it had taken to turn her orderly world upside down.

After their little almost-scene at breakfast, Ray and Neela had managed to get back to a mostly normal conversation for the rest of their morning together. Ray had spent a bit of time telling her about his nice little one-bedroom apartment on Montpellier Road, and Neela got the distinct impression that he lived alone – although she told herself that it didn't matter to her, one way or the other. He had spoken a little bit about his journey through physical therapy, and how he had been hired as a counselor at a youth center for the past year. He wasn't sure if he was going to try to finish up his residency at a local hospital or not, yet – but he enjoyed his work as a counselor very much.

He had quickly mentioned that nobody else from County General had kept in touch with him, either. Neela hadn't known what to say about that, and neither of them had touched the subject any further.

In turn, Neela had told Ray about her own little apartment, which wasn't far from the one they had once shared – and she still thought of that one as "theirs", though she hadn't told him that. She didn't tell him about her own accident and surgery and recovery, either. She wasn't quite sure why she had decided to keep that to herself – though she knew, deep down, that she still felt partially guilty for causing his accident. She certainly didn't want to make him feel as though she deserved any sorrow for her own ordeal, when he had been through so much pain and suffering of his own. It was obvious that nobody had ever told him what had happened to her, anyway. What good would it do to tell him now?

They had finally said their goodbyes, and Ray had invited her to go out for a bite to eat later that evening, after the conference had wrapped up for the day. Neela had agreed – quite enthusiastically – and now, of course, it was the only thing she could think about.

She was surprised that her entire spirit and energy could change so dramatically in less than twenty-four hours. She felt like she'd gone through more highs and lows than a trip through the mountains already, and she wondered how much more of it she would endure for the remainder of her visit.

Neela was half-heartedly examining a tactile display of clogged coronary arteries when she felt her cell phone begin to vibrate in her pocket. Ignoring the look of annoyance on the face of the salesman behind the desk, she quickly took out the slim black phone and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Neela, it's Abby."

Neela smiled, moving into a quiet corner – not that there were really any 'quiet' corners – and plugged her opposite ear with a finger. "Hello, Abby, how are you doing? It's been a whole two days since I last saw you!" She joked.

"Oh, everything is fine," Abby said easily. Neela could tell she was smiling on the other end of the phone.

"So? Have Dubenko or Crenshaw come down to complain since I've left?" Neela asked.

"Crenshaw was down here bitching about something earlier. I think he was upset that we didn't carry sunblock in the patient supply room. I'm not sure what that was about."

Neela snickered. "I guess even the northern sun is too much for his head."

"Sooo…" Abby said, sounding like there was something on her mind.

"So, what?" Neela asked, although she had a feeling she knew what it might be. Still, she thought she could play it off for a few minutes. "How are Luka and Joe?"

"Well, Joe just learned the meaning of the word 'no', and now it's his favorite thing to say – even if I offer him ice cream. Luka is doing just fine," Abby said. She paused only for a moment. "And how are _you_?"

"Fine, fine," Neela said, trying to sound as if nothing were new. She couldn't really figure out why she didn't want to talk about running into Ray with her best friend. Maybe part of her was afraid she would jinx everything.

"So, you must have seen Ray," Abby said casually.

"How on earth could you have possibly known something like that?" Neela exploded. Abby, as usual, had whipped out her incredible powers of ESP, catching her off-guard when she least expected it.

"I could just hear it in your voice," Abby said innocently.

Neela closed her eyes and sighed. "Well, you're spot-on. I did run into him, on accident, actually. And we went and had breakfast this morning, in fact."

"Oh, did you, now?" Abby sounded amused.

"Yes, we did," Neela said quickly, hoping her friend wasn't going to pry.

"I'm so glad," Abby said, and Neela could hear her trying to contain her enthusiasm – quite unsuccessfully. "How is he doing?"

"Very, very well," Neela said, smiling reflexively. "He's walking on his own, and he's working as a counselor – he seems happy enough."

"That's great!" Abby sounded genuinely pleased. "I can't wait to tell everyone how he's doing."

"Yeah, I bet they'll be happy," Neela said. She paused for a moment. "I guess nobody ever really talked to him after he left."

"Yeah," Abby sounded a tiny bit guilty. "I really wish I had called him. I know you couldn't have, right after your accident – but Pratt, or Morris – I'm surprised he's not angry that nobody ever called him."

"Well, he seemed a little disappointed about that." Neela said quickly, trying not to think of the confrontation she'd faced this morning. _I thought you were my friend._

"Are you guys going to see each other again?" Abby asked.

"Well, I think he wanted to grab something to eat after the conference," Neela said, trying not to make it sound like it was the only thing she'd been thinking about for the past three hours.

"Great, great. Well, you enjoy that, and you'll have to let me know how everything goes with your visit." Neela knew Abby wasn't talking about the conference.

"I will, Abby. Be sure to give Joe a little kiss for me, won't you?"

"Of course I will. Talk to you soon, Neela."

"'Bye." Neela slipped the phone back into her pocket with a smile.

Abby had been her anchor for the past two years. For the six months Neela had lived with her after the accident at the peace rally, she had even been a god-send. She knew that Abby had appreciated her company, and the help with Joe, while Luka had been away during those months. But Neela knew that Abby had been _far_ more of a necessity in her life than she had been to Abby's, and she was highly grateful for the time Abby had spent helping her get back on her feet – physically and emotionally.

When Luka had finally finished taking care of matters in Croatia, Neela had gracefully stepped out, found her own apartment, and finished up with her therapies for recovery. But she and Abby had become inseparable, and they still spent hours gabbing together on the phone – or over lunch – every week. Neela knew she would be able to trust Abby when she was ready to talk about this visit to Baton Rouge, and seeing Ray again. Abby probably would know she was ready to talk before she would, herself, Neela thought with a grin.

_But for now, she had to deal with this damn convention._

A little bald man, who looked disturbingly like Crenshaw with glasses, approached Neela with a stack of flyers. "Be sure to attend my lecture this afternoon, dear," he said, looking her up and down with barely-concealed male interest. "I'll be going over the advantages in post-mortem autopsy after surgical error in thoracotomy to reduce the mortality of future cases." He smiled at her, showcasing large front teeth which were separated by an even larger gap between them, and Neela could barely conceal a grimace.

"Sure thing," she muttered, snatching a flyer from his hand. As soon as he had vanished, she crumpled it into a ball and tossed it.

Just three more hours, she thought, and she would be within her bounds to slip out of the conference, skip their big obligatory dinner buffet, and find a quiet little place to sit down and catch up with Ray. The thought of it warmed her inside, despite the chill of the air-conditioning that was being blasted throughout the building for the conference.

Ray had asked her to meet him outside her hotel at six-thirty, although she hadn't the faintest idea where he planned on going for dinner. If breakfast was any indication, dinner would be someplace equally wild, Neela thought with a laugh.

He had promised her she'd be in for a treat, and she had a feeling he would not disappoint. The thought of going out to eat with him – or going _anywhere_ with him – simply made Neela feel _good_.

Despite how things had ended in Chicago between them, she still appreciated the friendship they had once shared so easily, and she felt as if it were coming back to them with little effort – as if it had always been something inherent between them, something that couldn't be stopped by lack of communication or even tragic memories. She had felt it this morning, when they had finally sat back down at the breakfast table to talk. It had been almost like slipping into an old, familiar routine.

She wanted to have more time with him, Neela realized. There were so many things they could catch up on – and there were plenty of other things, perhaps more difficult things, she wanted a chance to talk to him about. She was really looking forward to the time she would be spending with him tonight.

She wondered if Ray was just as enthusiastic – and nervous – as she was.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **You guys, thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews. I love reading them, and it really brings a smile on my face every time I open my e-mail and see a bunch of them waiting in there for me. I am so glad this story is being enjoyed! Chapter Seven, by far, has been my favorite one to write. I certainly hope you enjoy it, as well!

* * *

It was quarter to seven by the time Neela started getting worried.

The sun was starting to turn a lazy golden color in the sky, catching on low clouds as the day slowly turned into evening. Neela sat on the bench outside the front doors of her hotel, waiting for Ray, while her mind raced a mile a minute.

Maybe she'd misinterpreted the time he had said.

Maybe he had said a different place.

Maybe she was sitting on the wrong side of the hotel.

Maybe she had day-dreamed the entire conversation.

_Maybe he just wasn't going to show up._

She looked at her watch again, convinced that the time was wrong, even though she knew it wasn't. She looked up and down the street, wondering if she would see him coming. Maybe he was going to take a taxi – or a bus. Neela nervously fidgeted with the ends of her hair as she waited, trying to think of a million logical excuses as to why Ray hadn't shown up yet.

She didn't want to think that he had forgotten her – or worse – deliberately stood her up. Maybe he was angrier than he had let on about the lack of communication over the past few years.

Neela sighed, looking down sadly at the toes of her shoes. Even now, she wouldn't blame him for being upset.

"Is there an ancient Indian secret for telling your fortune from your toes?"

Neela beamed, looking up at Ray, who had suddenly appeared over her shoulder from thin air. "Not that I've heard of," she said, enjoying the smile on his face. He didn't look angry a bit.

"Sorry I'm late," Ray muttered, grimacing quickly at his watch. "I got caught up in the ends of rush-hour traffic."

"That's all right," Neela replied, jumping up from the bench and smoothing her skirt.

She had changed into a very pretty outfit as soon as she'd come back from the conference – although she told herself she was just doing it to change out of the wrinkled, sweaty ensemble she'd had on at the conference all day. The warm breeze caught on the gentle, gauzy material of her shirt, and the light summer skirt she wore, giving her a wonderfully windswept appearance.

Or, so she hoped. She was afraid that perhaps she just looked tired and unkempt.

Ray suddenly looked nervous. "So, uh, how was your conference?"

"It was pretty boring," Neela admitted, although she didn't add that she had spent all day thinking about nothing other than having dinner with him.

"Yeah, I can imagine," he laughed. He had the cute little smirk on his face that Neela had always loved – and at that thought, she felt her heart flutter against her control.

"Well, I'm not going to even think about the conference anymore," Neela said, trying to keep the conversation light. "Time to think about food. Where are we off to?"

"I don't think you'll be disappointed," Ray said. "Just follow me."

They walked. Neela hadn't expected to walk anywhere, but that was exactly what Ray seemed to be in the mood for, so that was what she gladly did. She walked beside him, for blocks and blocks, as the sky turned more and more golden, and traffic lightened to practically nothing. They chitchatted about this and that, nothing important – but everything important, at the same time.

Neela felt nothing but contentment as they wandered along the beautiful streets, looking into the windows of shops and enjoying the sight of families sitting out on their porches together, the adults talking and laughing, the children running and playing together nearby. She could smell barbeque and beer, and there was music playing from somewhere as well – a happy song, not one she'd heard before, but one she hoped she would hear again on the radio sometime.

She could also smell water, she realized, and as they rounded another corner, she found herself looking out – over a great, wide river – and the breeze that kicked off of it hit her right in the face, so cool and fresh and relaxing that she didn't want to move.

The road petered out into a small gravel trail, which seemed to extend up the length of the riverside, as far as she could see. Ray had come to a halt, right in front of the railing on the tall bank, and he hooked his arms behind his back and stared out over the water, looking like he was in seventh heaven.

"This is absolutely beautiful," Neela said, turning to look at him. Her words were entirely sincere.

"I know it," Ray replied softly, breathing the air deeply through his nose. "I come here a few times a week."

"I never realized we were this close to the river." Staring out at the little dots of boats she could see on the water, Neela smiled. It looked never-ending.

"I had a feeling you would be surprised," Ray said, still looking out intently over the railing. "I thought we could just walk along the water for a little while. There's a place to eat about a mile up."

"That sounds really great," Neela said, staring at his face even though he wasn't looking back. He was just as ridiculously handsome as he had always been, and she found herself admiring the way the slanted evening light was playing over his face.

She had all but buried every feeling she'd had for him after her accident, Neela thought. She had told herself she would never see him again. She had _told_ herself that she would never again dwell on those feelings she'd once had, the feelings she had finally been ready to face just before tragedy had struck them both.

But here she was, helpless against all of her emotions as they bobbed right back to the surface, as if no time had passed at all since the last time she had seen Ray in Chicago. A curious warmth descended on her, and she realized with a start that she had been entirely unsuccessful in tucking her feelings away for the past two years.

"Ah, hell," she whispered.

"What?" Ray finally swung around to look at her, seeming worried.

"Uh, nothing," she laughed, staring down at the gravel. She certainly didn't need to tell him that he was making her stomach knot up, Neela thought.

"Ok." Ray crossed his arms, grinning, but looking uncertain. To her relief, he didn't press her for more information. "Shall we?"

"Of course."

Side by side, they started down the gravel path.

Ray and Neela chit-chatted a little more, this time about the nice weather, as the sky started to turn a wonderful pink and orange hue all around them. The sun was finally starting to set, and the colors sparkled off the water in a million fragments below. The intensity of the colors was magnificent, and Neela was riveted by the sight. Ray, too, seemed impressed enough by the beauty of the sunset to stop in his tracks.

Both of them leaned up against the railing, their arms nearly touching as they looked out into the sky, over the water, appreciating the moment for exactly what it was. Everything was neon pink and orange – and the sun was a hot red ball low on the horizon, flaring up every little cloud in the sky to match its intensity.

Neela wanted to say something, to comment on the beauty of what they were sharing – but she couldn't think of any words to do it justice. So they simply stood there together in perfect silence, as five minutes passed – then ten – then fifteen – as the sun finally slipped down below the horizon, and was gone. The sky faded, from a deep pink to a deep purple, and then a beautiful, glowing blue. Most of the stars were washed out by the city lights, but a few dared to sparkle through as night finally settled in.

Neela took a deep breath, then looked over at Ray, who was still staring out into the sky, looking perfectly content. His eyes were lost in deep shadows, but she could see a smile at the corners of his lips.

"Ray, that was absolutely gorgeous," Neela said, almost not trusting her voice.

"I know. I've watched that scene plenty of times from this spot. It never gets old." He looked at her, some of the deep evening light catching on his eyes.

"Thank you so much for bringing me up here," She said softly, folding her hands in front of her body and trying to meet his gaze. It was hard to see well enough, in the dark that had fallen, but she thought she was hitting the mark.

"Well, uh, let's go get some food, huh?" Ray said, sounding nervous again.

They continued up the path, walking in silence, and Neela was acutely aware of how very warm and content she felt beside him. Still captivated by the onslaught of feelings that had resurfaced in her, Neela stepped a little closer to Ray, bumping arms with him as they walked in step together.

Their fingers brushed – completely by accident – but Neela was stunned just an instant later when Ray used it to full advantage and slipped his fingers around her own, catching her hand loosely in his, and holding on as they continued to walk up the side of the river.

Neither of them said a word.

Neela felt a thrill start deep in her stomach and move straight to her head. Ray's hand was warm and rough in her own, and she clasped her fingers around his even more tightly, hoping to show him that the gesture was welcome. He continued to hold on, and their joined hands swung lightly between them as they walked on, still keeping perfectly silent.

They came to a small mom-and-pop diner, finally, which was back a little bit off of the gravel path. Neela wanted to chuckle as they stepped in; it was like a cliché greasy spoon restaurant, with a single table, two chairs, and a long, worn out looking counter. A large woman sat behind it, looking crabby at the prospect of customers this late in the evening.

Ray ordered a couple of hamburgers and a bag of chips, which he paid for quickly, and then carried toward the door. Surprised, Neela followed him back outside, watching as he found a break in the railing along the path and started down the bank of the river.

"Um, Ray, where exactly are you going?" Neela asked, following him through the fence and down the steep stretch of dirt.

"Come on," he said, sounding quite certain of himself.

With blind trust, she continued to follow him down the side. They came to a very small patch of shore, where several big rocks sat along the very edge of the water. She could hear the waves splashing gently against the edges of the rocks, and the smell of the water was completely saturating the air, engulfing her senses as she watched Ray climb up and sit on top of one of the rocks. He set the food down beside him.

Enjoying his idea, Neela hiked her skirt up above her knees and climbed up on top of the rocks – she was too concentrated on not falling backwards to notice that Ray was discretely admiring the generous view of her legs.

She finally settled down beside him, and they got down to the business of eating. Neela realized that she was incredibly famished, and she finished all of her food before Ray did. When he was done, he balled up the garbage rather neatly and stuffed it all into the bag – then folded his hands on his lap and stared up into the sky.

"Ray, this is really nice," Neela said quietly, not wanting to break the magic that seemed to be following them on this night.

"I'm glad you're having a good time." He smirked again – _more flutters_.

A few clouds were moving overhead, and Neela could see a small sliver of moon popping out between them every now and then.

It was absolutely perfect, she thought. She had never been in a more romantic situation. It was almost surreal, to be sitting there with a man she had been so deeply in love with so long ago, someone she hadn't seen in so many years – and yet, she felt like there might never have been that gap, like that love might never have been cut short and pushed down below her very memories.

She suddenly wondered if he was feeling the same way.

Desperate to get any indication of his thoughts, Neela turned and attempted to study Ray's expression in the darkness. He was still looking up into the sky, and he looked quite peaceful. His eyes were slits of contentment, and his lips were almost smiling. He looked comfortable, and content – but she couldn't really tell if he was sharing the intensity of her own feelings.

"Ray…"

He looked at her suddenly, torn from his peaceful spell, all attention. "Yeah?"

Suddenly, Neela was too afraid to ask him anything in that realm of thought, she realized. What if the answer was no? She couldn't ruin this wonderful evening with such an intense conversation – especially if she was just being foolish, and he had no feelings left for her at all.

"Thanks for dinner," she finished weakly, looking back out at the inky black water of the river, and the gentle reflections of the night sky that were falling on it.

"Any time, Neela."

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **I was so happy that everyone enjoyed the last chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks so much for all your comments on the story so far! I really liked this chapter as well, I think it's one of my better forays into Ray's mind. Hope you like it!

* * *

_He was starting to feel frustrated._

More than frustrated, Ray thought, as he finished up some of the paperwork for his next case.

He just wasn't feeling quite like himself, really. He had gotten into such a comfortable groove in his life, and for the past year, he'd been enjoying it. Things had been so hard at first – he didn't want anything to change. He had worked so hard to finally gain peace of mind.

_And she was already starting to destroy it._

Ray sighed, trying to focus on his paperwork. It was a report written by a social worker about her most recent home visit to one of his clients. Everything looked great, he thought, skimming through the pages. The parents had been attending parenting classes regularly, and the child seemed happy and healthy. Good news, all around.

_He wondered when Neela was going back home._

"Dr. Barnett?" The secretary peeked her head around the door of his office.

"Yeah?" He looked up from the papers, suddenly feeling drained.

"Your next case just cancelled," she said, looking apologetic.

Ray sighed again. "Great. Wonderful. Thank you." At least the family seemed to be doing well, for the time being, he thought. He marked the cancellation in the file, then stood up and started pacing his office.

Without anything to occupy his attention for the last hour of his work day, he was surely going to go mad, Ray thought.

He stepped out of the office, wandering down the hall, not sure quite what he wanted to do with himself. He passed the empty waiting area, and stopped in front of the secretary's desk.

"Did they really cancel?" He asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"'Fraid so," she laughed, continuing to sift through her paperwork.

"You know what, then, I think I'm just gonna bow out an hour early," Ray said. He was at least sure of one thing – he wasn't going to just sit around here trapped in his own thoughts for another hour. "See you on Monday."

"Ok, have a nice weekend, Dr. Barnett."

He stepped out into the parking lot, letting the very hot summer sun beat down on him for a moment as he contemplated what he wanted to do.

It wasn't long before he decided that a certain medical convention might be an interesting way to spend the rest of his afternoon.

* * *

There were so many doctors and scientists packed into the building, Ray seriously doubted he would ever be able to pick Neela out of the crowd.

_She wasn't expecting him._ He tried to ignore his own little voice of pessimism as he pushed into the convention center, working especially hard to keep his balance amid the bustling crowd of people.

_She might not want him there._ Ray felt his self-doubt growing as he weaved through the lines of people gathered at the booths along the walls, who all seemed quite engrossed with the latest in surgical technology and technique.

He had never really understood surgeons, and found most of them to be quite pretentious and self-absorbed. It wasn't a world he had ever really wanted to be a part of, but now he found himself mildly curious as to what kind of company Neela was keeping on a daily basis.

Ray stopped at the end of one stretch, just at the bottom of an open staircase, and looked back out over the area he had just traveled to see if he could spot her. She was so short, he'd probably never see her from this vantage point. Maybe he'd have better luck upstairs.

He slowly climbed up to the next story, where there were just as many booths crowded against the walls – but thankfully, a smaller amount of people. He could tell pretty quickly that Neela wasn't on this floor. But when he looked out over the railing to the floor below, where he'd just come from, he finally picked her out.

Neela was dressed in a wide, lilac-colored, short-sleeved blouse, and a short, neat black skirt. Her smooth, dark legs were showcased nicely in the black high-heels she was wearing, and for a moment, Ray simply stood and appreciated the view. She was absolutely gorgeous, he thought – with her hair all pulled up into a cute, high ponytail, and her wide eyes looking all around at the booths with real interest.

She had always been such a fountain of knowledge and information – a convention like this was probably her bread and butter.

He found himself thinking about the time they had spent together last night by the river, and smiled. There had been something in her eyes – he wasn't quite sure what, as she was the master of holding back her thoughts – but there had definitely been _something_. And he wondered exactly what that something was.

Ray had been nearly undone by the way she had responded to his impulsive decision to take her hand last night. He had taken an enormous leap of faith in that moment, with that accidental brush of fingers, which he had so spontaneously turned into something more. And she hadn't let go – no, she had held on tightly, and even now, at just the memory of it, Ray felt himself go a little light-headed.

He wasn't really sure what was going on between them, he thought, resting his elbow on the railing and propping his chin on his fist. There was just an undefined feeling, a longing, and a taste of the old, familiar friendship they had shared. He wasn't sure he could put a name to the feeling he was having, really. For now, he simply gazed down at her, enjoying himself as he watched her move curiously from booth to booth, each time looking fascinated by what she saw.

He laughed out loud as she tried to stand on tip-toe and peer at a display over the shoulders of a tall man in a lab coat.

Now was probably a good time to go down there and say hello, he thought, feeling ridiculous at the nervous flutter in his stomach. He hoped she would be glad to see him.

Ray got to the bottom of the steps as Neela was nearing the last booth. He saw a large group of doctors heading in the same direction, and he figured they would crowd her out when they got there. Now was his chance.

"Neela," he called, trying to ignore the fluttering.

Her head whipped up in total surprise. She spun around, just as the large group of doctors crowded around behind her. Flustered, she bumped into the tallest one and lost her footing. She fell backward with a cry, and landed flat on the floor.

"Oh, god!" Ray exclaimed, running over to her. The group of doctors had backed up a few steps in shock, staring down at Neela. Oddly, none of them were making a move to help her.

"Neela!" Ray stood over her, his face full of concern, watching as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly against the pain. The wind had obviously been knocked out of her, and she struggled desperately to catch her breath. She didn't open her eyes to look at him.

Ray's gaze traveled down to where her blouse had ridden up. He felt his entire body go cold at the sight of a very recent surgical scar traveling right up the middle of her soft, dark belly.

"_Neela?_" he said again, his voice urgent. He couldn't kneel down to her. It wasn't physically possible. He turned angrily on the pack of doctors behind him, who were still just wordlessly staring down at her. "Are you guys going to help her?!" He snapped, his voice pure venom.

As if he'd slapped them out of a trance, the doctors suddenly got down to the floor and helped Neela sit up and catch her breath. She coughed violently, gasping at the air, her eyes still squeezed shut in defense. Ray hovered around their shoulders, keeping his eyes on her, helpless to do anything for her.

Her blouse slid back down into place, covering the giant scar on her abdomen. Ray felt his own stomach twist, the image of it still fresh in his mind.

Neela finally opened her eyes and looked up at him. She coughed a few more times, and attempted a smile. "Hey, Ray."

He couldn't find words. _What the hell had happened to her?_

"You ok?" One of the doctors asked. Another one had whipped out a stethoscope and was listening through her back. They seemed satisfied that she was all right, and helped her to her feet.

"Thank you," Neela said, her voice sounding a little scratchy. She smiled politely at the group of doctors, who then turned and slowly headed off in the other direction.

"Neela?" Ray stepped up to her, afraid to touch her, as much as he wanted to. "What _happened_?"

"Oh, I didn't even see them behind me. I heard you and I turned around and the next thing I knew, I was right flat on my back," she laughed a little, looking embarrassed.

He swallowed hard, looking down, not knowing how to ask the question the right way. "No, I mean, I saw… I saw your _stomach_… and… I saw…" he trailed off, swallowing again.

"Oh. _Oh._ You did," Neela suddenly sounded nervous, and quickly looked away.

"Neela…"

"Look, Ray, I really don't want to talk about it," she said abruptly, still avoiding his gaze.

"Neela, that's a _major_ incision line," he whispered, tilting his head to try and get her to meet his eyes.

"I'm aware of that," she said coolly, still refusing to look at him.

She wasn't going to give in, he realized. Not now, anyway. As hard as it was for him to try and put it aside – as he was nearly burning with the need to know what had happened to her – Ray shoved the feeling to the back of his mind and took a deep breath.

"Ok… ok. Are you ok?" He asked softly, trying to just focus on the here and now. Her breathing seemed to be getting back to normal.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks," Neela replied, looking a bit flustered now. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and stared off into space. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Oh. Um, I got done with work early. I just thought I'd pop in and say hello." Ray gave a short, nervous laugh and scratched his head. She probably thought he was stupid.

"Oh." She sounded very distant, he realized. Her eyes were closed off to him now, as if he had knocked on a very forbidden door.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked, feeling foolish.

"No, no, not at all," Neela replied, finally looking at him. She smiled wistfully. "Uh, you want to come upstairs and look around at the booths? I haven't been yet."

"Sure," he said, a little too agreeably. "You sure you don't need to sit down a minute?"

"No, I'm all right," she chuckled, but her smile didn't reach her eyes.

They went up the stairs together.

Ray followed Neela around as she stopped at booths here and there, reading the displays, playing with some of the demos, and speaking with some of the representatives. They spent at least forty-five minutes on the second floor, looking at what was being offered, and Neela seemed quite occupied with it.

Ray, however, couldn't think about any of the gadgets he was seeing on display. He was completely preoccupied with his thoughts.

They finally came to a beverage table, and Neela poured a large glass of punch for herself. Ray followed suit, and they stood together, drinking quietly, watching the crowd mill about.

"So, uh, when are you leaving?" Ray finally asked. He gripped his cup a little too tightly, and had to consciously loosen his grasp to avoid cracking the plastic.

"My flight is scheduled out tomorrow evening at seven," Neela replied, staring into the crowd. She looked a little bit sad, he thought, and he wished he could get into her head to find out why.

Her breathing had picked up considerably, he realized, and she looked too warm.

"Neela, are you ok?" He was suddenly worried that she had injured herself more than he'd originally thought from the fall.

"Yeah. I'm fine," she muttered. She put down her punch, only half gone, and wandered away from the table, looking dazed.

"Neela?" He followed her, puzzled, as she walked back into the crowd.

"Come on, Ray. Let's go out and grab a real drink," she replied, not looking back.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **Wow, I can't believe this is up to almost 100 reviews! Thank you so much for all your comments and thoughts about the story, they have been so valuable to me as I've been going along. I am so pleased that you guys are enjoying it! Now, I really loved writing chapter nine – it may possibly rival chapter seven, in my humble opinion. ;) So I certainly hope you like where the story is heading, and I'll try to update as soon as I can!

* * *

She was walking blindly, and she wasn't really sure what she thought she was doing, but Neela was suddenly overwhelmed by the need for a drink. Any drink would do, she thought – she wasn't picky.

He had reminded her that she was going home. _Tomorrow._ Not like she hadn't known it all along, but for some reason, for the past two days, she had put it quite firmly out of her mind. And now, she realized, she was going to have to deal with it.

_Not to mention the fact that he had seen her scar._

Neela felt tears pricking her eyes as she walked down the sidewalk, searching desperately for a bar. She knew she would find one soon. It was a busy downtown area – surely there was a place to drink somewhere near the convention center.

Ray had been walking behind her quietly, but now he broke the silence. "Neela? What are you doing?"

"I just feel like stopping for a drink," she said calmly. Every nerve in her body was jumping.

"It's only five o'clock," Ray said, his tone completely neutral.

"I know it," Neela replied, scanning the signs of every building they passed.

"Well, if you have your heart set on it, then you might as well make a left at the next intersection. We can go to O'Connor's." She didn't hear his quiet sigh as he followed about two feet behind her.

Neela followed his direction and was pleased to see a small bar squeezed between a pizza shop and a parking garage, down the middle of the next street, on her left. They crossed the intersection and made their way over, Neela still quite a few steps ahead of Ray. She hitched her black leather purse tightly over her shoulder and opened the small wood-and-glass door, which chimed happily as she entered.

Ray silently followed behind her.

The bar was fairly empty – there were just a few men who appeared to be regulars sitting together at one end of the long counter. Neela took a seat on the very opposite end, and Ray carefully eased into the barstool on the left of her. He was careful not to look at her – he had a feeling something was bothering her now, and he knew better than to try and push it.

The bartender made his way over to them easily. He looked to be in his mid-fifties, with a short gray ponytail and a cleanly-shaven round face. He smiled generously at Neela. "What can I get you, dear?"

"A screwdriver," Neela replied. "More vodka, less orange juice."

Ray looked up, distracted. "Just a beer for me, please."

The bartender sauntered off to fill the order.

Ray felt his unease growing. Screwdrivers weren't Neela's normal drink of choice, and her voice sounded strangely hollow. _She just wasn't acting herself_, he thought, and he wondered if she had been injured by her fall more than she had let on earlier.

Again, he thought of the scar he had seen on her delicate body – and felt his stomach clench.

"Neela…"

"I know what you're going to say," Neela interrupted, and finally he could hear the raw emotion in her voice. "Please, _don't_. Don't ask me what happened." She fisted her hands tightly on the edge of the bar, staring straight ahead, her chest rising and falling heavily on nervous breaths.

"I'm not. I won't. It's just that… well, you're acting kind of odd all of the sudden, and I just wanted to make sure you're ok," he stammered, his voice quiet.

She was touched by the sincerity of his concern. "I'm fine, Ray, really, I am." She finally mustered enough courage to at least look at him. "This has nothing to do with the fall."

"Ok," he said, staring right into her eyes, searching them for any hints as to what was upsetting her so much. _She still seemed so closed off._

The bartender set their drinks down in front of them, then returned to his regulars, who were carrying on about the baseball game on the big TV.

Neela picked up her glass and started to chug.

"_Neela,_" Ray sighed again, wishing more than anything that she would just tell him what was wrong.

She didn't stop swallowing until the entire drink was empty – then set the glass down on the bar heavily, her eyes glittering from the strength of the alcohol. She looked at him, not responding, and he felt his heart sink.

_Why couldn't she just talk to him?_

"Bartender, I'll have another," Neela called down the bar loudly, and Ray winced. _It was so unlike her_, he thought. He didn't know what to do.

He sipped at his beer, pondering.

Another drink materialized in front of Neela. The bartender wisely decided to move back to the other end of the bar, leaving Ray and Neela to themselves.

Neela started to chug her second drink down. Ray tapped his fingers impatiently on the top of the bar, knowing he couldn't stop what was coming. _She was so small_, he thought – _it was all going to hit her at once._

She had finished it in barely a minute's time, and she set the glass down a little more carefully when she was done. Her cheeks were flushed all pink now, and he knew that the alcohol was starting to hit her.

_It was going to be interesting, if nothing else._

Neela felt a nice, warm sensation flood her belly as the alcohol began to sleet into her system. The vodka had been the perfect choice, she thought, as a pleasant buzz started to settle down on her. Her nerves were being all but whisked away.

Ray took another sip of his beer, waiting. She wondered what was going on in his head. She smiled, supposing that the easiest way to find out would be to ask.

"Ray, what's going on in your head?" She asked, chuckling. Such an easy way to answer a question, wasn't it?

He stared at her quietly for a minute, and she could tell he was deep in thought. Finally, he looked right at her, the concern ripe in his eyes. "Well, Neela – I'm wondering why you're sitting there knocking back those drinks so fast, honestly."

"I had a feeling you were." She shook her finger at him knowingly.

He sighed. _She was definitely on the way to becoming drunk_, he thought. "Well, you said you didn't want to talk about it – but I'd love to listen if you change your mind," he told her, choosing his words carefully.

"Ah! Well," she said. She smiled a little, leaning her elbow on the bar and propping her face in her hand, facing Ray straight-on. "I think, maybe, I'm just afraid to tell you some of the things on my mind. But I want to tell you. _I do_. I want to talk about everything." She nodded fervently, agreeing with herself.

Ray felt a little bit relieved, despite the fact that she was getting drunk right before his eyes. _She wanted to talk._ That had to mean _something._

"One more, if you please," Neela called down to the bartender.

Ray worked hard not to roll his eyes.

"I can see that you disapprove," Neela said, shaking her finger at Ray again. She laughed. "Don't worry, I can handle my alcohol. All that time of living with me should have at least taught you that."

He felt his stomach do a little twirl at her mention of living with him. _Perhaps she was going to open up, after all._

The bartender set another drink in front of Neela, his eyebrow quirked. She smiled up at him prettily, and Ray could have sworn she actually batted her eyelashes, as well. "Thank you."

The bartender looked at her curiously for another moment before moving back down to his friends.

Neela picked up the drink, but to Ray's relief, she merely sipped it this time, rather than chugging it all down in one shot. She looked quite cheerful now, and even though it concerned him that she was obviously trying to get drunk, he couldn't help but feel pleased that she was finally smiling – and _talking_.

"You know, I had really tried to put it out of my mind that I was going home tomorrow," Neela said softly, staring down into her drink. She grasped the glass with both hands, as if it were providing her with some kind of strength.

"Oh?" He watched her, trying to look as relaxed as possible, hoping she would elaborate this time. He took another swig of beer. _Maybe it would relax him._

"Yeah," Neela said, stirring her drink absently with the little red stir-stick that was in her glass. "Thing is, I really didn't _want_ to think about going back home. Because I've really, really been enjoying this time here with you. And Chicago is very far away from here. And you." She looked up into his eyes, and Ray could see that _something_ swirling in hers, again. It made his pulse start to jump.

"Neela, I'm sad that you're leaving, too," he said carefully, not quite trusting his voice. Now that she had started talking, he didn't know what to do with his own reaction to her words.

_This wasn't the first time in the last two days that she'd managed to stir up all of his old feelings for her._ They were all at the surface again, making him feel completely raw inside.

"Sad?" Neela laughed. "_Sad_ isn't even the word, Ray. I don't think there _is_ a word. I really, _really_ don't want to go home. I really want to spend more time with you."

Ray could feel his pulse bounding through every part of his body. He hadn't imagined that _this_ was what was on her mind. He was completely taken aback.

Neela took another big sip of her drink. The words were coming so easily now, she thought, she couldn't even remember the reason she had been so reluctant to speak them before. "And of course, I've been wondering… if perhaps you felt that way, too?"

"You'd better believe it," Ray said quietly.

Neela looked incredibly touched. "Really?"

"Yeah. Really." Ray took another big swallow of his drink. She _was absolutely tearing him apart – she had no idea._

Neela moistened her lips, looking earnest. "Last night, when I was walking with you by the river… everything I _ever_ felt about you came flooding back to me like it was yesterday," she admitted, trying hard not to slur her words. The alcohol was hitting her hard, now, and there wasn't much she could do about it. Her emotions were all right at the surface.

Ray stared at her, eyes wide, completely lost for words. There was a lump in his throat that he wasn't sure he would be able to even speak through.

"I wanted to tell you how I felt," she continued, "but then I was afraid that I might sound ridiculous. It's been two years, and I hadn't called you, and I know you were so upset about that. You might not admit it, but I _know_ you were – maybe you still are. And I was _so_ afraid to just tell you how I felt last night. I thought that maybe you would think I was stupid. _Am_ I stupid?" She suddenly looked very concerned.

"Oh god, Neela, of course you aren't stupid," he whispered, trying to work around the burning in his throat.

"It's not ridiculous of me, to still have all of these feelings for you?" She looked very worried, stirring her drink nervously as she spoke.

Ray felt like his entire body had gone numb. He could hardly believe what he was hearing – yet he _knew_ he was hearing it. "Neela, if you're ridiculous, then I'm a damn fool," he finally managed, watching her face to see what she made of that.

She fixed her gaze on his eyes – _god, those beautiful, golden-green eyes_ – and felt like the wind had been knocked out of her for the second time that evening. _He still had those feelings for her, too._

"_Ray,_" she whispered, staring into his eyes, suddenly feeling close to tears.

He sat up straight, looking up to the ceiling to try and abate the burning in his own eyes before it could get any farther than that. When he thought he had it under control, he took a deep breath. "Neela, I have never stopped being in love with you. Not for a minute, in all these years. That's the god's honest truth."

One of Neela's tears finally spilled over, and Ray was terrified that he was going to lose it, as well. He gripped his beer with incredible force, willing his eyes to stay dry, even though he was living a moment he had only ever dreamed about.

"_Ray_," she murmured again, because she simply didn't know what else to say. What _could_ she say to something that simple, that beautiful? It was exactly what she wanted to hear, but she had no idea what to do with it. _And her head was spinning._

He reached out suddenly and took her drink from her hand, setting it on the bar. He set down his own beer, as well, and fiddled around in his pocket for his wallet. His hands were shaking to the point where he could barely count out a proper amount of money to pay the tab.

"What are you doing?" Neela mumbled, confused. She was too drunk to argue, but sober enough to comprehend that they were leaving.

"I'm not going to have this conversation with you in a bar," Ray whispered, looking right down into her eyes. "It is just too damned important."

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	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **Oh my gosh, guys, I can't believe this story is over 100 reviews strong already. Thanks so much for all your input!!! I have to say, without a doubt, this chapter trumps all of the other ones combined. And if you don't believe me, just read on – I hope you'll agree! ;)

* * *

He didn't know if it was a bad idea, but it had been the only place Ray could think of once he'd managed to get Neela to stumble into the back of the cab with him. 

Now they were standing outside of his small apartment building, and he realized that he was about to bring her onto his turf. Honestly, he was a bit frightened by the prospect. It had been a very long time since he'd had Neela on his turf.

"Where are we?" Neela questioned, still slurring her words a bit.

The afternoon was turning to evening, and the sun was just starting to turn to a lazy gold color that reminded Ray of the sunset they had shared together by the river. This time, however, he could see dark clouds coming in from the western horizon, promising a summer storm. Neela looked over toward the dark side of the sky, her eyes glassy and still a little confused, as she followed him up the ramp and into the building.

"Welcome to Casa Barnett," he chuckled, unlocking his door.

Neela followed him in slowly, looking uncertain. Her eyes were taking a while to adjust to the dim light inside – he hadn't left any lamps on when he had gone to work this morning.

He switched on one little lamp that was close to the door, casting the room in a dim, golden glow. The stormy looking part of the sky was visible through the windows of his living room. Neela noticed with some surprise that his apartment was actually quite clean.

"You must have been expecting some company," she murmured, looking at him with laughter in her eyes. "That, or you've hired a maid."

"No, no, I just happen to be very clean," he said, pretending to be insulted. In all honesty, he had cleaned the apartment two days ago, just on the off chance that Neela would have wanted to come over and see it. _His foresight had definitely paid off._

He looked down at Neela, still a bit stunned by what she had said to him not twenty minutes ago. _She still had feelings for him. _She had admitted it with tears in her eyes, and Ray was determined not to let that moment go, to not let them slip back into awkward silence now that they had finally started talking.

"You took me out of the bar before I was ready, now you owe me some drinks," Neela told him, pointing her finger at him in mock indignation. He could tell that she was only inches away from smiling.

"Well, then, I guess I'd better get right on that," Ray replied, grinning obligingly, as he headed for the fridge. Lord knew he had plenty of alcohol on hand.

"How about some more screwdrivers?" Neela laughed. _Screwdriver._ _What a funny word_, she thought.

"Why do they call them 'screwdrivers'?" She asked, following him into the kitchen.

Several dirty jokes sprang to Ray's mind, but he thought it would be wise to keep them to himself. "Uhh, don't know," he laughed, pouring Neela a drink. He poured himself one as well, figuring he might still need a little help relaxing.

Neela scooped her glass into her hands, sipping on it immediately. "_Mmm._ Thanks."

She looked up into his eyes, the rim of the glass touching her lips – which, to his chagrin, he found to be an _entirely_ sensual sight – and Ray got caught in her stare for several endless moments. Embarrassed, he tore his gaze away and picked up his own glass, searching for words. He didn't want to start getting awkward _now_. They had been able to say so much to each other already – he wanted the conversation to continue.

"Ray," Neela said, taking another long sip from her glass. "I'm really _so_ glad to be spending this time with you. I hope you know that."

"I know. I've been enjoying this, too. _So much._" He sipped his own drink, hoping to calm his jumping stomach.

"I really don't want to go tomorrow," she said again, looking very serious. Her forehead was scrunched up – as it always was, when she was deep in thought. Ray felt some more flutters, thinking how much he loved that expression, just like he loved everything else about her.

"I know," he said, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "I really wish you didn't have to go, either."

Neela looked confused. She stared off to the side of Ray's shoulder, trying to gather her thoughts. She wanted to say so much – but she wanted to say it _right_. And it was hard, when all of her thoughts were a drunken jumble of emotions.

Not only that, but she could smell him – the faded scent of aftershave, and cologne, and _him_ – the same scent she remembered picking up on every time she had ever walked into their apartment, back when they had lived together.

"Ray, it's really _something_ – that I could be here for just three days, and already be to the point of not wanting to leave. What do you think that says about us, about all the things we left unfinished?"

He could hear the blood rushing through his head. "I think it says a lot, Neela."

"Yeah. Yeah, it really does." She finally looked up at him. She was standing just inches away, and she could feel the warmth of his body. His face was flushed – and she knew it wasn't because of the summer heat. _It was nothing more than the words coming out of her mouth._ She allowed the truth of that to send a lovely thrill through her body – the thrill of being able to cause that kind of reaction in him, just by speaking her heart.

"So, what the hell are we supposed to do, then?" He asked softly, staring down into her face. She still looked so serious, he thought. Even as she swayed lightly back and forth, miles from sober, she looked so intent on her thoughts.

"I don't know," she admitted, shrugging her shoulders. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Ray looked at her silently, not sure what he could say. He really had no idea how they were supposed to deal with these feelings, seeing as they lived so far apart in reality. Her visit was wonderful – but it wasn't going to last. It was already almost over, and that was just the hard truth of it.

He heard the first rumble of thunder. The sky had gotten much darker outside over the last few minutes.

"I don't know what we're supposed to do, Neela," he admitted, looking in the direction of the windows, staring into the dark sky as if the answers might be written out there in the clouds. "But, I think we should just enjoy the time we have left, and go from there." He looked back at her, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Neela took another long, contemplative sip of her drink. "I could get on board with that idea."

Ray grinned. "Great. In that case, what I think we should do is just plop down in front of the TV, order something to eat, pop in a movie and…"

His words were cut off abruptly as Neela raised herself on tip-toe and fastened her lips against his own.

A rush of heat whipped straight down from Ray's head and settled low in his stomach as Neela leaned her body into his, sliding both arms up and around his neck, stroking her fingers slowly up through his hair before clutching them there. Her lips were soft and open and she was moving them slowly against his own, to which he immediately responded in kind.

All rational thought exited Ray's mind as he pulled his hands from his pockets, gripping Neela's tiny waist between his fingers, pulling her even more tightly against his body as he tilted his head down more closely to hers, kissing her with hot, gentle, slow kisses that sent little shocks all the way down to her toes.

The thunder outside was getting louder.

Oblivious to storm that was brewing, Neela opened her mouth and allowed him to go deeper.

Ray felt almost all of his self-control slipping away in those few brief moments as he dug his fingers into her hips and slid his tongue in against hers, tasting vodka and orange juice and _her_ – possibly the most impressive combination of flavors he'd ever had the pleasure of experiencing. Suddenly overwhelmed, he tore his lips from her own and trailed soft kisses down the curve of her jaw, into the soft space below her ear, then down her neck –

Neela let out a low groan, moving her hands down to wrap around Ray's waist as he worked his way back up her neck; slowly, torturously, until he started to gently nibble at a vulnerable spot right between her jaw and her throat. She could feel her entire body burning right up – and the sensation was more than welcome. She slid her fingers down to the hem of his shirt and found the smooth skin of his back underneath, trailing circles against him with her nails.

Ray muttered something incomprehensible as he wrapped one arm around her waist and slid his other hand into her hair, finding her lips again with his own, completely open this time as they kissed with a little less grace and a little more urgency – faster, hotter, wetter –

"Oh, my god," Neela gasped, pulling back from him, her entire body on fire. She hadn't felt desire this strongly in… well, she couldn't even remember when. Her blouse was sticking to her skin, so damp she was with perspiration. She looked up into his eyes, which were full of awareness and raw, burning heat. She knew they were a match for her own.

He didn't have words. He didn't _need_ words. The room had been cast into long shadows as the storm whipped up outside – wind was gusting against the windows, and now rain was battering against the glass as lightning flashed, again and again, in a primal mating with the sky. He looked down into her eyes – melting pools of need – and every piece of his being was screaming at him to take the next step – the only step _left_ – and start ripping at the thin fabric of her clothes like his very life depended on it.

"God, Neela – " He breathed heavily, grasping absently at his own hair as he stared down into her enormous, gorgeous eyes, trying desperately to bring back at least a sliver of his sanity.

"Ray – please – " She clenched her fingers deep into the nape of his neck, not taking her eyes from his own as she pressed her body more firmly against his, straining on her toes to fit with him properly.

There was absolutely no way, with the thin fabric of her little black skirt, that she couldn't tell _exactly_ what she had managed to do to him. And since she had started it, he thought – nearly laughing – he wasn't about to apologize for it. He managed to smile lightly at her, even though he felt like he was going to explode.

"Neela…"

She didn't return his smile. Her expression was so serious, in fact, it was making his stomach flutter again.

"Ray, _please_," she whispered urgently, pressing her hips into his, as if he hadn't already gotten her intent. She pressed a warm kiss to his throat, clutching tightly at his shoulders now.

He wasn't sure exactly how he was managing any rational thought, but one very small corner of his brain appeared to still be functioning properly. _And it was warning him that this would not be a very good idea._

It would have been so easy to ignore that tiny part of himself and continue on, he thought. It would have been _so easy_. Almost everything else inside of him was urging him forward, like a blind animal, to finish what she had started.

"We can't," he heard himself mutter, as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her ear. He slid both hands up into her hair, kissing the side of her face very softly, trying desperately to talk himself down from the height of desire he'd managed to reach in just a few short minutes.

"Why not?" Neela looked terribly confused, even a little hurt, and Ray suddenly felt guilty for denying her – for denying _them_ – this thoughtless pleasure.

"It's not right," he said softly, stroking a hand down her back, trying to calm her – and himself. "Not right now. You've had _so_ much to drink, Neela. I don't think you're really thinking about this."

"I don't want to think," she protested, trailing her nails slowly up and down his neck – and nearly driving him insane. "This feels _right_. I know it does. I don't want to stop and analyze it and pick it to pieces and spend my time weighing the pros from the cons. I just want to touch you, and feel you, and _be_ with you…"

He was afraid she was going to push him over the edge with barely a whisper more of movement. Somewhat humiliated at himself, Ray stepped to the side, away from her touch, trying to get enough oxygen to his brain to think straight.

"Neela, no… we _can't,_" he said again, not able to form anything more coherent. He swallowed hard – still tasting her on his lips, his body begging him for more.

"_Ray…_?" She looked nearly crushed, and he knew it was the alcohol, causing all of her emotions to be at the very edges of their extremes – but he still felt incredibly guilty.

However, he was almost completely confident that she would be grateful for his decision when morning rolled around.

"Neela, it's ok," he whispered, stepping back from the counter. She stepped backward as well, and they took several steps in that manner – Ray moving forward, and Neela blindly moving backward, toward the sofa, where he was trying to maneuver her.

Realizing that he was not going to change his mind, Neela hung her head, looking ashamed. "Oh my god, you must think I'm so pathetic," she murmured, rubbing a hand over her face.

"Oh, believe me… just believe me… I have never wanted anything so badly in all my life," Ray replied softly, trying to put her at ease. Not that he really had to try – he was speaking the honest truth.

"Then why can't you just touch me?" Neela whispered, grasping loosely at his hands, her eyes falling shut as she tried to pull his arms around her again. She buried her face in his chest, and he couldn't help but sigh, wishing he could take advantage of her willingness and just drag her right off to his bedroom.

But he couldn't. And he knew it.

"Neela," Ray said again, gently pulling her back, looking down into her eyes. He had never seen such hurt in them before. "You _know_ I want to. But not like this," he told her, trying to convey all of his emotions with his eyes. She was staring up into his, without pause, and he hoped he was getting through to her.

"I love you," she whispered, as he finally got her in front of the sofa and sat her down. Her eyes looked very heavy now, and he pulled her into a laying position, resting her head on the big sofa pillows, where she almost immediately started falling asleep.

Taking deep breaths to ease the tightness in his lower body – and his stomach – Ray pulled a blanket down from the back of the sofa and covered Neela with it carefully, watching as she drifted off to sleep, a sad look still etched on her face even as she nodded off.

He stretched out in the recliner next to the sofa, watching her for a long time, until finally – much later – he drifted off to sleep himself.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **Thanks so much for all the lovely, lovely reviews, everyone! You have been so thoughtful and encouraging. I do apologize for the long wait – and I won't bore you with a long story about house-cleaning and a sore throat, which bogged me down all weekend. But I hope it was worth your wait – I'll update again soon :)

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_The sunlight was hitting her face from the wrong direction._

That was Neela's first thought as she stirred from her dream – one where a masked knight in black armor was chasing her around an open field, madly waving his sword about, yelling at her in a language she didn't understand. It felt as if the dream had been going on for hours, even though she knew that wasn't likely.

_But something wasn't right._

Wherever she was laying didn't smell familiar – and yet, it smelled _very_ familiar.

She cautiously popped one eye open. The room was blurry – she was quite sure that was because her eye was sticking to the inside of her head – but after a moment, everything came into focus.

_Ray's apartment._

The evening suddenly came flooding back to her, faster than she could handle, and she very nearly groaned.

God, she had been all _over_ him. Clutching and clenching and digging her nails into his skin, kissing him – _grinding against him _– like a drunken teenager. She remembered every little touch, every little sensation, every little emotion – she recalled it with startling clarity, as if she _hadn't_ drunk a sea of vodka last night.

She closed her eye, trying to block out the memory, which was causing her enough humiliation that she thought she might actually physically die from it.

_She was pretty sure she had told him she loved him._

At that, she _did_ groan.

Neela heard a rustling sound next to her, and felt her heart start to trip. She looked up from where she was lying on the sofa, twisting her head around anxiously to look behind her – and saw Ray sleeping in the recliner beside her, his feet propped up on the table, looking quite peaceful.

She wondered if she could move without waking him up.

Cautiously, she swung her legs over the edge of the sofa and pulled herself up. Her head was starting to pound, and there was definitely something ugly going on in her stomach. It was injury on top of insult, she thought. It wasn't enough that she had made a complete, desperate fool of herself; oh, no. She had to have a hangover, as well.

She stood carefully, testing the strength of her legs, and turned toward the kitchen. Maybe some water would help her feel better. She moved to the counter, opening cabinets in search of a glass, trying not to remember that she was standing in the same spot where she had been pressing herself into Ray's tall, warm body, sliding her hands up under his shirt –

Neela had no doubt that her face was turning beet red as she heard Ray stir again in his chair. She was almost positive that he was awake now.

"They're in the one to your top left," he muttered, sounding scratchy and sleepy.

Embarrassed, Neela opened the one cupboard she hadn't checked and found a short glass, which she filled to the rim with ice and water. She worked slowly, wanting to prolong her task so she wouldn't have to turn around and face him just yet. She knew she wouldn't be able to look at him. Just hearing his voice had nearly sent her into a panic already.

She took a sip of her water, still facing the sink. There was no longer an excuse not to turn and look at him, she thought, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was just too nervous.

"Sleep ok?" Ray asked cautiously. The chair squeaked as he sat upright, pulling his feet down from the coffee table. She still wasn't looking at him.

"Yeah, I did. Just fine," Neela said quietly, taking another big sip of her water.

He paused awkwardly. "Are you… ok?"

She felt her eyes sting at the concern in his voice. She was so sick with embarrassment, she wanted to just run out the door and go hide back in her hotel room. But she knew that would only make things worse. She had to apologize, at the very least.

Slowly, Neela turned around, forcing herself to look at his face. She felt her entire body go between too hot and too cold in a matter of seconds. Her hands were shaking so much, she could see all of the ice in her glass wobbling.

He looked warm and sleepy, his hair tousled sweetly, his eyes still slitted in defense against the morning sun.

"I'm ok," she answered, feeling her pulse scramble at the expression of caring on his face. Then the words came stumbling out, with no preparation. "I'm so sorry for the way I climbed all over you last night. I didn't mean to. I mean, not that I didn't enjoy that, doing that – uh, I mean, I _really_ shouldn't have been acting like that, doing that to you. It was so stupid." She felt like her face was on fire.

He smirked, pressing his fingers together as he leaned back in the chair. "That's quite all right," he said, and she detected a hint of humor in his tone.

"I feel like an absolute idiot," she sighed, closing her eyes and giving in to the humiliation. There was no point in pretending she wasn't mortified; he had to know that.

"Well, don't," he replied, still sounding like he was holding back laughter. "You should be glad I had enough sense to stop it before it got out of hand."

She felt another wave of complete embarrassment wash through her, and was grateful she'd closed her eyes.

"Neela, it's not like – what you did – wasn't _welcome_," he said quietly, sounding a little embarrassed, himself.

She nodded. His response to her drunken advances had been instant, electric, heady – she certainly hadn't forgotten that.

"I'm still sorry," she whispered.

He stood up, walking toward the kitchen carefully, not wanting to scare her off by getting too close. "Well, like I said… don't be."

She remembered his words – _I_ _have never wanted anything so badly in all my life. _Suddenly shy, she opened her eyes and looked down at her feet. "I haven't felt so strongly about anything in a very long time. I think I really lost control of myself last night. I didn't mean for you to see that." _She hadn't meant for him to see her so pathetic and desperate._

Ray took a single step closer, and was pleased that she didn't back away from him. "I don't mind. I sort of liked it." He cracked another smile, trying to get her to look at him.

Neela didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She finally looked up, and found his eyes looking into hers, full of just as much embarrassment as she felt, and just as much laughter as she _wanted_ to feel. She tried for a small smile; it felt like more of a grimace, but she figured it was better than a frown.

"Neela, it's ok to tell me what you're thinking," he murmured, nearly desperate, gripping one hand on the edge of the counter and leaning in slightly, just a hair closer to her than he had been; just enough to make her a little more nervous.

She wanted to let go – she wanted to admit to him, even here in the light of day, completely sober, that she was sure that this feeling he'd stirred back up in her, one he'd been stirring for a long time – was love. But it sounded so ridiculous in her head, she couldn't even _begin_ to imagine how absurd it would sound out loud.

She wasn't about to make a fool of herself again.

Trying to be cautious with her words, Neela took a deep breath. "Ok. I'm not going to tell you that my… behavior… last night came from nowhere. Because we would both know that isn't true. You know I have feelings for you. _Deep_ feelings. And I was drunk enough to act them out… physically… and I really, really shouldn't have done that. I hope I didn't… make a bad impression on you."

Ray found his head briefly teeming with jokes at her final choice of words, but somehow he managed to keep a straight face. She was being serious, and he was absolutely thrilled to hear her admit her feelings now, while she was totally sober, with nothing artificially heightening her emotions or loosening her tongue.

_And he hadn't forgotten the last words she'd said to him before falling asleep._

He thought about it for a few moments, wondering if she remembered, also. He figured she _had_ to remember saying it. She wouldn't have told him something like that randomly if she hadn't felt it… would she? Everything about her had been on edge last night – it wasn't surprising that she'd spilled her heart to him. But he wondered if there was a way to get her to talk about what she'd said. _Feelings_ were one thing… _love_ was quite another.

Neela suddenly looked as if she were going to turn away. Ray tightened his grip on the counter, not wanting to lose this chance to talk with her again.

"Did you mean it?" He blurted, surprising himself.

Neela looked stunned, as if she would have never expected him to ask such a question. Her expression quickly transformed to one of fear, and she did take a step back this time. "Mean what?" She asked quickly, trying to play dumb.

Part of him wanted to let it go; to not make her any more uncomfortable than she was. But damn it, he was _entitled_ to be a little bit selfish, wasn't he? She was going home tonight, and now he didn't think he could live without the answer.

"What you said to me, last night." He took a step toward her.

"What I said to you?" She whispered, looking uncomfortable. She took another step back.

"What you said to me," he repeated, advancing steadily, until she was effectively backed into the corner between the wall and the refrigerator.

Neela looked horrified. "Ray, please…"

"Answer," he said, just inches from her. He leaned one long arm out against the wall, caging her in.

"Let me out, Ray" she said, trying to be firm. But her voice wavered, and he was suddenly certain that he was going to get what he wanted.

"Tell me," he demanded, his eyes burning into hers.

Neela felt her stomach twisting dangerously, and her body seemed to have gone limp against the wall. She realized, with even more humiliation, that her chin was trembling. She _knew_ the answer. It sounded ridiculous, floating around in her head, and she didn't want to let it out. But he was incredibly persistent, and the way he was looking at her –

"_Tell me_," he urged again, leaning just an inch closer.

Neela felt her whole body go hot. "Yes. Yes! I meant it!" She whispered, beyond frustration.

He leaned back quickly, both surprised and impressed that he'd gotten the answer out of her. "Thank you," he said easily, stuffing his hands into his pockets, looking satisfied.

"Is that it?" She said, still quiet, but irritated now. She looked him right in the eyes, unapologetic. "You think you can just back me into a corner and badger me like that, then say 'thank you'! I don't think so." She took a step forward this time.

Ray suddenly felt very nervous. "What do you mean?"

"You think you're going to get an admission out of me like that, something that huge, that humiliating, that important… and then what? Just walk _away?_ It doesn't work like that." Neela was suddenly incredulous, that he had manipulated her with such a fundamentally bullyish tactic. He'd figuratively _and_ literally cornered her until she'd answered his question, and now she felt she deserved a bit of the same.

"If you're going to drag answers out of me like that, then prepare to do some answering of your own," she snapped, jabbing her finger against his chest.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **You guys – oh, you guys. Sorry for the gushing, but words just can't express how thrilled I am with the response to my story. I am so, so happy that you all love it. The reviews, the PMs – everything – I am just so happy that you guys have been reading and enjoying. I have certainly been having a ball writing it, as well! I don't know how much is left, really. I could stop soon, and start another story; or I could keep going with this one. I suppose I'll let you all decide for me; you've been full of invaluable advice so far! ;) Thanks so much! I really liked this chapter, and I hope you will, too. Sorry you had to wait so long – I was on vacation to Alex Bay for the weekend, then came down with a nasty cold (what is it this summer? This is like the 3rd time I've been sick!) Hopefully it will have been worth the wait! Enjoy… and more soon!

* * *

Ray looked down at Neela's face – which was currently registering as cute _and_ angry – as she jabbed her finger at him.

"Let's play it your way, then, shall we?" She said, feeling bold, taking a step closer to him. Ray leaned back, not wanting to show his anxiety by stepping away.

"I don't know what you're after," he laughed, trying to hide the fact that she was making him nervous now. "I already told you how I feel about you – unless you were too drunk to remember," he added pointedly.

"I remember perfectly," she replied, smiling a little too sweetly.

"Well then, what is it you want to know?"

"You said you haven't stopped being in love with me in all this time," Neela said, ignoring the way her knees weakened as she repeated his words. "So why haven't _you_ called _me_ in all this time, Ray? All this time, and you said you were upset that I never called you. Well, I'd like to know what was stopping you from calling me."

He swallowed hard, taking another step back, toward the counter. "Well, I'm not gonna lie, Neela. I really figured you were still… with _him_. And I was sort of afraid to find out."

"_Him_, who?" For a moment, she really had no idea what he was talking about. _And then she remembered._ "Oh, for goodness sake. I wasn't _with_ him. I broke up with him the night Luka and Abby got married – you knew it was over. That was never anything special."

"You never told me that."

"Yes, I did. I did tell you that. You just weren't listening." Neela pointed at him accusingly.

"When?"

"At the – " She stopped short, suddenly unable to finish her sentence. _At the hospital._ God, she didn't want to make him think about _that_ again.

"At the _what?_" He challenged.

"At the hospital," she said slowly, trying not to lose her nerve.

"Oh. Well," he muttered, looking as if the wind had been taken right out of his sails. "I thought you'd end up with him. That's how it always was."

"It wasn't like that," Neela countered.

Wasn't it? She recalled her first two weeks of recovery. Tony had come to her bedside every day, playing nice with her, holding her hand, making his usual inflated promises. _Reminding her of someone she knew._ Tony had really had a difficult time letting go, even though she had insisted she was done with him. But still, she'd allowed him to spend that time with her – and as she tried not to think about, one last night with her – and now she felt guilty for it.

"I pictured you with him. I couldn't get out of bed in the morning, for two months. I couldn't do anything. All I could think of was what I'd lost. To _him_."

Neela felt a little rise of anger within herself, which she tried to hold down. "I just told you, I wasn't _with_ him. I haven't really been with anybody, actually. I went on a few dates that Sam and Chuny tried to fix me up with, but nothing interesting enough to hang on to. I thought about you every day, Ray."

"And you never spent time with Gates?" He pressed, crossing his arms.

The anger rose another notch. She wasn't sure if it was mingled with guilt or self-disgust – or both. "I did, for a very short time. He was there with me in the hospital, and I didn't know what to do, so I let him be, honestly."

For a moment, Ray was confused. In the hospital? Of course they were in the hospital, that's where they worked. Unless –

"Wait, what do you mean, _in the hospital?_" He asked, furrowing his brow.

_Damn it._ Neela tried quickly to cover, but it was futile. Ray could see the look on her face already – she couldn't lie.

"I had… an accident," she muttered, looking away from him. As if he could possibly care, considering what had happened to _him_.

He inhaled deeply, waiting.

"I went to a, uh, peace rally. Right after I came to see you at the, uh, hospital. And it got out of hand. I got trampled. I had to have surgery to repair a lot of internal damage. I was in the hospital for a long time." Neela flexed her hands repetitively, still not looking at Ray.

"Oh my god," he whispered, taking a step closer to her, grasping her hands in his own. "Neela…"

"_Don't._ Don't you dare," she whispered, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. "Don't you feel sorry for me. What happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to you, Ray. I didn't even want you to find out."

Ray had to crush the instinctive urge to touch her belly, where he'd seen that surgical scar running in a long, ominous line. Now he knew why it was there, and he felt terrible.

"The very same day you saw me?" He asked, not quite believing it.

"Yes. After I saw you, I was just shocked. I was in a daze, I didn't know what to do – I had previously planned to go to this rally, you see, and that's where I ended up. I thought it'd be good to get closure… closure, from Michael. I wanted to be with these people who cared about our soldiers. But it got out of hand. People were yelling and screaming… some kind of explosion went off, and everyone was running. I fell, and I remember being stepped on. I woke up a long time later, after surgery. I spent a long time recovering, actually."

Ray felt absolutely horrible. _No wonder_ _she hadn't called him – she hadn't been able to._

"Neela, I wish I had known. I would have come back to see you." He squeezed her hands more tightly, wanting to express his feelings by nothing more than simple touch – but he couldn't.

He couldn't believe this had happened to her – while he'd been laying in a bed somewhere, feeling sorry for himself, doing nothing to help her.

"It's all right, Ray," Neela murmured, helpless against the loving expression in his eyes. "I sort of… well… I sort of felt like maybe… I deserved it." She swallowed hard, looking away from him again.

Ray felt like she had crushed his entire soul with three little words. Unable to speak, he reached out and pulled her to him, stroking almost desperately at her hair, wrapping his arms around her shoulders very tightly. "You'd better not ever say anything like that again," he finally managed. "And you sure as _hell_ better not ever think it."

She muttered something against his chest, but Ray wasn't about to let go of her. He stood there in his kitchen, holding her in his arms, hating the fact that she'd managed to smear his emotions all over the place again in a matter of minutes – and yet, at the same time, not really minding so much. She was here, and she was close, and she was letting him hold her. For the moment, nothing else had to matter.

It was quite a while later that she finally pulled back, looking up at him, with that _something_ – something like love – swirling in her eyes. "Now what?" She whispered.

"Now… we're just going to go on with the show," he smiled, rubbing her sides gently before letting her go.

* * *

Neela helped herself to another cheesy slice of pizza. "What do you suppose is going to happen when she opens that door?" She asked, frowning at her pizza as most of the cheese came off in one bite, leaving a lot of saucy crust behind it.

"The usual. It will look like nothing is there, but as soon as she turns around, something will appear and pull her into the closet." Ray bit into his own pizza expertly; the cheese remained intact.

Neela watched as, sure enough, the young blond on the TV screen looked away from an open closet, and was almost immediately pulled inside by a phantom set of hands. She felt foolish at the sensation of terror that whipped through her – even Ray had seen it coming, so why was she afraid?

"Damn you, now I won't be able to sleep tonight." She muttered, glaring down at her stupid, broken piece of pizza.

_Alone -- in her own bed in Chicago_, she suddenly remembered, and her appetite wavered gravely.

"Sure you will. How many of these ridiculous movies have you watched with me? You know none of this could really happen." Ray laughed.

"I'll be all alone, and it will be dark, and I'll be scared," she assured him. Suddenly, she realized how he might take that statement.

"You can just stay here another day and sleep on my couch, would that make you feel safer?" He joked.

But the expression on her face made him sorry he'd said it.

It was four o'clock in the afternoon – they'd been enjoying a festival of movies all day long, snacking and chatting and catching up on the more general parts of life. Neela had a feeling that Ray was just as exhausted as she was from talking about the more emotional aspect of their relationship – and so they had wordlessly agreed to do something fun and light-hearted all day. Which had been successful, as far.

But the time was nearly approaching when she would have to head for the airport – and Chicago. Back _to her cold, lonely apartment._ And then back to work, where it seemed everyone was going forward in their lives. _Everyone but her._

"You ok?" Ray asked, turning down the volume on the TV.

Neela stared, unseeing, as a young man on the screen approached the closet, looking around worriedly for his girlfriend. "I don't know," she muttered, setting down her pizza slice and taking several deep breaths.

Ray wouldn't have admitted it at this point, but his stomach was wrapping itself in knots at the thought of her leaving. Any minute now, he knew she was going to stand up and go – back to her hotel to get her things, and then back to Chicago – out of his life, for the foreseeable future.

"You look worried," he commented, sitting forward in his recliner.

He'd had Neela sit on the sofa all day – close, but still a safe distance – keeping him from any temptation that might arise to kiss her. He knew it wouldn't take much for that to happen again.

"I was just sad, because I realized I have to go soon," Neela murmured, standing up slowly, mechanically, knowing that she had to start moving, or she never would.

Ray felt the panic start – it gripped him now with claws more fierce than those of the monster in their movie. _The moment he'd been dreading had arrived._ And he had no idea how, exactly, he was supposed to handle it. So he stood up as well, clasping his hands together, bracing himself.

"You have to go _now?_" He asked, hating the pleading edge that had attached itself to his voice.

"I think so," Neela said, swallowing hard as she looked around his living room, loading as much of it as possible into her memory. She wanted to close her eyes later and picture herself there, in the warm glow of the lamps, with a little sun filtering in. _Because her apartment in Chicago would never feel like this._

"Don't go," he heard himself whisper. He was absolutely shocked that the words that had formed in his brain had found their way to his lips – and now they hung in the air between himself and Neela, and he felt like a fool. _Of course she had to go._

"Ray… I already killed the entire point of this trip. I was supposed to be at the conference all this time, and I barely spent any time there. I'm already going to be in trouble – if I stay longer, it'll only be worse when I go back." She avoided the real issue quite deftly, trying hard to picture Crenshaw's face when she told him she _hadn't _attended as many lectures as was humanly possible.

"I don't really care about your conference," he said, disgusted with his own attitude. She was leaving, and he felt like he was grasping at straws, trying anything he could pull from his petty little arsenal to stop her.

"Well, I suppose you wouldn't," she snapped, angry that his desperation was showing so baldly now. It reminded her of her own.

"How can you just _leave?_" He asked, his thoughts still spilling over helplessly as he followed her. She had started taking backward steps toward the door.

"I already told you – I'll be in so much trouble if I don't go back now. I'm already in for it, for skipping so much of the conference. Crenshaw will never understand."

"I don't give a rat's _ass_ about Crenshaw," Ray snapped, still hating himself for the tone of voice he was using. He probably sounded beyond pathetic at this point.

"Ray, please don't do this. We've had such a lovely day. Don't ruin goodbye." Her voice cracked on the last statement; it really _was_ time for goodbye.

His panic crept up another level. "Are you really going to say goodbye like this?"

"I have to," Neela whispered. She had reached the door, and now she fisted her hand over the knob, feeling absolutely broken. "_Please,_ don't chase me out like this, Ray. Let's have a proper goodbye."

The hurt in his eyes was enough to break her heart.

"What does a proper goodbye look like?" He asked quietly, stopping in front of her, looking incredibly pained.

"It looks like a mutual agreement. It's supposed to be a fond farewell. A well-wishing of ways. It's really not that difficult," Neela whispered.

"It is for me," he replied, staring down into her eyes. They were beautiful and dark and sad, he thought, and he didn't want to file them away in his memories. He didn't want this to be the last time he saw her beautiful face.

"Ray." Neela twisted the knob beneath her hand, drawing her breath in sharply, terrified that he was going to kiss her – soberly, this time – and she knew what would happen if he did. She was no fool.

He felt hot all over; almost involuntarily, he was leaning down toward her, toward what he was sure would be oblivion.

"Don't," she cried softly, placing her free hand on his chest, the tears that had sprung to her eyes starting to spill over. "I can't bear it, please don't," she begged again, looking away from him.

"Neela." Ray grasped at his hair in frustration. He couldn't believe she was leaving. She _couldn't_ be leaving. He felt like he was trapped inside a nightmare.

"I'll call you," she said weakly, throwing the door open and slipping away as Ray stood, riveted to his spot – completely stunned.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **Sorry for the wait! I've gotten into a terrible habit of falling asleep after dinner each night – not on purpose – and it's driving me crazy because I get so jipped of my free time – especially my WRITING time!!! But I hope you will enjoy this chapter – it's a little more introspective than the others have been, and you can tell me whether or not you like that sort of thing. Thanks so much for all your thoughts and reviews so far, I enjoy reading each and every single one. You guys are amazing with your enthusiasm!

* * *

When she woke up this time, there was no warm sun filtering onto her face.

Bleary-eyed from little sleep, Neela slowly pulled herself up and looked out the small window next to her bed. It was gray on top of gray outside, and a cold-sounding rain was pattering against the glass.

She felt chilled to the bone.

It was barely past six o'clock in the morning, but she was already too entwined in thoughts to try and go back to sleep. She wondered if Ray was awake yet, or still soundly asleep, all the way down in Baton Rouge.

She hadn't seen his bedroom – she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing – but she could imagine well enough what it looked like. She had peeked into his old bedroom at the apartment plenty of times; it had been chock full of rock posters, a lava lamp, plenty of clothes strewn about, and a handful of medical texts.

She closed her eyes and imagined it again – only, in her fantasy, he was sleeping in bed, dreaming happily; and she was beside him, watching him dream, an arm wrapped around him comfortably – warm and safe. Not cold and alone.

And why couldn't this fantasy be a reality, she wondered?

He had begged her not to leave him. He had _told_ her he was in love with her. It wasn't ridiculous at all to think that he'd welcome her back into his life now, was it?

But how _could_ she ever be a part of his life? She lived in Chicago, and she had established a career in surgery here. She had already started a residency over once – she couldn't very well do it _again._

The transfer from emergency medicine to surgery had seemed like a wonderful opportunity at the time, but now it only left her cold, like most of her memories.

Dubenko still looked at her oddly, almost bordering on creepy at times – and Crenshaw had never really warmed up to her. At least Mae Lee had never come back – but the junior residents weren't very friendly, either – at least, not as far as she could tell, as she barely knew them – and at the end of the day, she did not feel very satisfied by her work relationships.

She still had Abby, of course – and Luka, in a more distant way. Pratt and Morris and Hope were still her friends, as well. But she didn't get to spend as much time as she would have liked with them. Being a surgeon was somewhat lonely – she spent all day in an operating room with the same people, doing the same procedures again and again.

It was certainly lucrative – and would be all the more so, when she finished residency. However, that dream seemed very hollow to her now.

_But, at least it was safe._

_Safety. _How often had that little word plagued her, Neela wondered? She'd chosen medicine because her parents had insisted that she have plenty of money – and provide security to herself, and her family.

She'd chosen to marry Michael, even though she hadn't really been in love with him, simply because he had offered her safety and security.

She'd moved from her old apartment with Ray to Abby's out of safety, too – safety from herself and her desires, and her deepest feelings toward her roommate.

And, after losing Michael, she'd once again chosen safety – she had shielded herself from her guilt, from her feelings, by pushing Ray even farther away from her.

Even when Ray had been laying in that hospital bed, broken and hopeless, she hadn't been able to break down and show her true feelings. She'd spoken to him in a careful, vague, _safe_ manner.

Just look at what _safety_ had managed to get her in life, she thought, utterly disheartened.

Neela got ready for work slowly, not wanting to face the day and it's gray, cold, lonely undertones. But what choice did she have? This was the life she'd chosen – quiet, regular, and _safe_ – and she had to go through with it.

She dwelled in the shower for a very long time, the water as hot as she could stand it – the only thing that would temporarily drum the cold from her bones. She dressed warmly, as well, and had several hot cups of coffee before finally making her way to the El.

The wind whipped hard rain at her without apology as she walked along the street. She was soaked through in a matter of minutes. Deep puddles had formed – it had obviously been raining in Chicago for days – and Neela accidentally splashed into one as she tried to cross a busy street and found her foot swimming in a pothole.

Wet and freezing, she squeezed onto a packed train, between a smelly homeless woman and a teenage boy who was wearing about twenty pounds of jingling chains and had his pants sagging down to his knees.

By the time she made it upstairs to the surgical unit, all she could do was find a pair of scrubs – they were all too large, of course – and change into them. She put on a pair of treaded hospital socks and slipped her feet back into her shoes – which were still incredibly wet and soggy – figuring that it was the best she could do, which was better than to go around _completely_ sopped all day.

_Some is better than none – _the definition of _safety_, she thought sourly.

Crenshaw slammed into the locker room then – luckily, after she'd finished changing her clothes – and smirked at her in that lovely, condescending manner that was entirely his own. "Neela. Back from your little journey, I see. Can't wait to hear all about it." He rummaged in his locker for a few moments.

Neela didn't really feel like dealing with Crenshaw or his _crap_ right at the moment, so she stood quickly from the bench and tried to make an escape – but he was right at her heels an instant later, looking smug as ever.

"We have a lap chole and a RIH repair back to back this morning, just you and me. Are you excited, Rasgotra?" He snickered, and Neela could have sworn he'd had his head waxed or something, for how much the fluorescent lights were bouncing from the surface of it.

"Thrilled," she muttered, shoving her hair into a rubber band and pulling a surgical cap around her head.

Unfazed, Crenshaw followed her down the corridor. "So, were you able to attend Dr. Lamiere's lecture on the advantages of post-mortem autopsy after surgical error in thoracotomy to reduce the mortality of future cases?" Crenshaw oozed, covering his own bald head with a custom cap that he never went without.

"'Fraid not," Neela breezed, walking swiftly toward the board as she tried to ignore him.

"Really? How about Dr. Panzer's lecture on the importance of establishing urinary continence before discharge after hernia repair?"

"Must've missed that one, as well," Neela muttered, feigning deep concentration as she read the day's schedule.

Crenshaw looked confused. "Well, then, surely you must have attended Dr. Patel's demonstration on the use of …"

"Will you bugger off already?" She snapped, hands on her hips, sighing directly into his face.

His look of mock interest turned into one of mock superiority. "Well, I'm sorry, I thought you were actually away on a _conference_ this weekend… but I guess we actually got you confused with another surgeon. _You're_ the one we sent to Walt Disney World!"

"Don't make me say it again," she replied, completely dead-pan as she turned back to the schedule.

"Neela, you're so _cold_. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or what?" Crenshaw continued to look smug – it was a permanent feature of his face – but she could hear some true interest hiding behind his words.

"I'm really not in the mood for any crap today," she said, crossing her arms and staring down at her cold, soggy shoes. "I had a bad night and it turned into a bad morning – just let me be, all right?"

"Whatever you say, Rasgotra. I'm gonna grab some coffee while they're getting OR One ready. See you there in fifteen." He strutted away quickly, sensing that the time for self-amusement had passed.

Alone in the quiet hallway, Neela sighed to herself once again.

It wasn't long before she could place her focus on something entirely distracting – the lap chole – and she allowed herself to get lost in the simple pleasure of performing an intricate, sophisticated procedure – the thrill that had drawn her to surgery in the first place. They were done in less than fifty minutes, however, which didn't give her a whole lot of room to stay distracted.

The hernia repair took a bit longer – which Neela was incredibly grateful for – but that still ended with time to spare, and she found herself on break too soon without anything to do other than to stew in her own thoughts.

She could see Dubenko already in the break room with Dr. Ahmed, one of the junior residents – and not wanting to have to talk more about the conference she'd barely attended, she slipped past, unnoticed, and into the elevator.

Perhaps she'd find Abby on a break, as well.

Neela was relieved as she stepped into the ER and found Abby sitting by the admit desk, munching on a frosted donut. For the first time that day, she smiled.

"Abby."

"Neela!" Abby jumped up, rushing to her friend, smiling around a mouthful of donut. "I can't believe you're back already! How was it?"

"Uh, I don't know, honestly. I wasn't there a whole lot." Neela suddenly felt ready to spill her guts out to her friend – in fact, she felt like she desperately _needed_ to.

Abby swallowed her oversized bite of food and smiled knowingly. "Oh, really?"

"I spent a lot of time with Ray," Neela said, knowing that Abby already had figured that part out.

"So, what happened?" They moved slowly to a quiet corner as they spoke, as Frank's ears were surely starting to prick up at the sound of their whispers.

"Nothing, really. We just spent a lot of time together. Talking, eating, hanging out." Neela looked down at her feet.

"That's it? That's all you did?" Abby looked mildly disappointed.

"There might have been drunken kissing," Neela laughed, suddenly amazed at herself for admitting such a thing.

"Get out!" Abby snickered, looking pleased. "Well, there's something, anyway. But why are you here, then? Did you guys just sort of agree that you'd keep in touch, or what?"

Neela recalled her weak promise to Ray as she'd stumbled fearfully out of his door – _I'll call you._ "I suppose so," she muttered, feeling misery creep back up on her again.

"You look sad," Abby commented, her voice just as sincere and caring as ever. "Something else must have happened."

"Well… we both agreed that we still have feelings for each other," Neela said, feeling dazed. "Deep, _strong_ feelings… but we didn't really know what to do about it."

"Neela…"

They were interrupted as Neela's pager began to tweet. Annoyed, she glanced down at it – an emergency page from Dubenko.

"Looks like that possible appy turned into a definite appy," Neela muttered, shoving the beeper back into her pocket. "Sorry, Abby, I gotta run for now. We'll talk more later, ok? I want to know how you and Luka and Joe are all doing."

"Sure thing," Abby said, looking disappointed – but understanding. She'd worked here long enough to know that this was the routine, after all. A million emergencies – a million interruptions. They'd get a chance to catch up sooner or later.

The emergency appy took a while – fortunately, it hadn't ruptured, so no bowel resection was required. However, as they'd done an open procedure, it took longer to close.

By the time they were done, Neela felt absolutely drained – but the end of the day was approaching, and there weren't any more cases, so she was able to help herself to a nice cup of coffee in the quiet – and more importantly, _empty_ – break room.

When her beeper began to twitter again, Neela nearly slammed her head against the table. Emergency page from the ER – oh, _goody._ Maybe she'd end up staying here all night, after all, she thought, annoyed.

When she got downstairs, Neela immediately found Abby, who seemed to be eating a powdered donut this time around. Sweating and tired, Neela leaned forward into the desk. "What's up?"

"Well, we thought we had an emergency – but I guess not," Abby said, shrugging as if she didn't really care.

"What?!" Neela snapped, as the frustration that had built up all day came spewing forth, leaving her emotions exposed. "Come _on_, you guys can't just page us on a whim, you know…"

"_Relax_, relax. There's coffee and donuts in the break room down here – I highly suggest you go in and get some," Abby said easily, looking down at a chart.

"No, thanks, I'm for home," Neela replied, feeling dejected enough to actually have tears pricking at her eyes.

Abby looked up this time. "Neela, there are lots of really, _really_ good donuts in the break room. And fresh, hot coffee. And cookies."

"No, thanks…"

"And muffins!" Abby added hopefully. "And green tea. And ice cream – I know how you love chocolate ice cream, that's exactly what's in there." Abby got to her feet, staring into Neela's eyes, imploring.

"Abby, are you trying to fatten me up? I said, no thanks," Neela said, shaking her head, about to turn away.

"_Neela._" Abby appeared entirely serious – and maybe a smidge anxious – at this point. "I. Really. Think. You. Should. Go. Into. The. Break. Room," she said carefully, pausing after each word.

Utterly perplexed, but too tired to argue, Neela nodded her head.

She found the door to the old break room – not that she thought of the break room on the surgical unit as "new" – and opened it slowly.

Her first observation was that there were no pastries or drinks of any kind.

Her second observation was that Ray Barnett was sitting in the corner, looking comfortable in one of the recliners as he watched her step into the room.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimers/content: **As before – see Chapter One for full details.

**Author's note: **Well, here's the next chapter, guys! I feel that there may not be much of this particular story left, maybe a few more chapters. I suppose you can tell me what you think. I have ideas for other stories teeming around in my head, of course, but I'm enjoying this one plenty, as well. Thanks so much for all your reviews and comments – and I hope that this update was speedy enough for you. :D Enjoy!

* * *

Neela felt all of the blood drain from her face.

"Hey, Neela," Ray said easily, not moving to get up from his chair. He clasped his hands together in front of him, waiting patiently.

"Ray – I – what – _when_ – you – " She broke off, lost for words.

"I got here about twenty minutes ago," he said, still staring at her quite calmly.

Neela, by contrast, felt her hands trembling something fierce – and she had a feeling her eyes were about to bug right out of her head. "What are you _doing_ here?" She finally managed.

"Waiting for you."

"Ray, I – " She couldn't really argue with that, could she? It was pretty obvious that he wouldn't be sitting here in the break room at the hospital where she worked for any reason other than to see _her_.

"I decided that we couldn't leave things the way we left them," he explained. He looked so at-ease, it was mind-boggling. It was making Neela more nervous than she already would have been, otherwise.

"How else could we have left things?" She asked, immediately despondent.

Ray finally unfolded himself from the chair, slowly standing up. He stood exactly where he was, however, making no move to step closer to Neela. "I think that's for you to decide," he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

He was still very calm, but Neela almost felt like he was bordering on cold, now. In his eyes she saw expectation – and a hint of irritation.

She laughed – a heap of nerves, a pinch of incredulousness. "You came all the way to Chicago to tell me that _I_ have to decide something for _you_?"

"No. You have to decide something for _us_."

"You can't just barge in here and make demands of me like this," she retorted, utterly overwhelmed. She turned toward the door, hoping to flee his trap, to just run somewhere else and clear her head for a moment.

"_Don't_," he said, his voice uncharacteristically harsh. It was not a request – it was a command.

Neela spun around in absolute disbelief. "I'll do what I _want_, thank you very much."

"No you won't," he snapped, smirking without any humor. "You never do what you want, Neela. You do what you think you _should_ do, which I think is rarely what you _want_. Why shouldn't I tell you what to do?" He pointed his finger at her. "You know what I think?!"

"No, what do you think?" She asked, the chill of her tone evaporating to nothing as it clashed against the sudden fire of his own.

"I think you _like it_ when people tell you what to do."

He had stealthily gotten closer to her as they'd been tossing words back and forth, and now he was close enough to see her eyes go from freezing to boiling in the blink of an instant. Somewhere deep inside, it satisfied the hell out of him.

"You know what, Ray, you can go straight to bloody hell," she whispered, her teeth set together angrily. But she didn't turn away this time.

"Maybe I will go straight to hell," he said, absolutely smoldering now. "It would be _worth_ _it_, actually, to see you fall out of your straight fucking line and do something you know you want to do, for a change. Not because you need to, but because you _want_ to. And I damn well _know_ you want to."

Her mouth was open in shock, hanging as if she'd been struck dumb by lightning. "How _dare_ you?! My 'straight fucking line'? How do _you_ know what I want? What gave you the right to stand there and shred into me like this?" Neela was amazed by the urge that was vibrating through her fingertips to actually slap him across the face.

"_Someone_ has to know what you want, if _you_ can't even recognize it," he said, fisting his hands on his hips. He could sense the danger he'd placed himself in well enough – but he didn't back off an inch.

"What the _hell_ do you want?!" She cried, trying not to let her voice break. "Why are you doing this to me?" She didn't want him to see the kind of power he had over her; not when he was acting this way.

"I want you to tell me what you want," Ray challenged, fixing his glare right onto her own.

"But you were doing such a good job of doing that _for_ me already," she retorted, unable to conceal the resentment in her voice.

"Now I want to hear _you_ say it," he replied, unwavering.

"As I think I mentioned, you can go to bloody hell," Neela snapped. Still, she did not move.

"And as _I_ mentioned, I think it would be worth it. And I'll happily go there, once I've gotten what I want."

"I'm not giving you _anything_."

Ray pursed his lips together, considering his next move as he hid behind waves of uncontrolled frustration. She'd stone-walled him out – and now she wasn't budging.

"You know what, Neela? This is so typical. Leave it to _you_ to try and hide behind your pride. You're so fucking good at it." He tried desperately to stay in control of the anger he was experiencing, but it was getting the best of him.

She laughed, her expression icy. "I've had enough of your insults. Why don't you just go right back to where you came from." She did turn this time, stalking toward the door, shaking her head. She wasn't going to listen to this madness anymore. It was the last thing she needed, after a day like today. He was going to absolutely destroy her sanity.

She couldn't believe it when she felt him grab her arm, yank her back around – looking absolutely murderous. "I told you once before, don't you _dare_ walk out of here," he said, his voice ominously quiet.

"You're about two centimeters away from getting a good clip on the jaw, Ray," she warned softly, pulling her arm easily out of his grasp, feeling absolutely shocked. Something within her shifted, then – and she felt her anger begin to melt away as she took stock of the look in his eyes. "You're not going to get what you want by bullying me like this."

Neela suddenly felt a great bit calmer – and she knew it was because she could see the desperation behind his anger. It was coming through in his expression unabashedly now. _And it was because of her._

"I'm _going_ to get what I want," Ray insisted, his emotions raw and unconcealed as he stepped closer to her, just inches from her body.

She didn't want to back down. She _couldn't_ back down. He wasn't going to win, acting this way. Arrogant. Childish. _Bull-headed._ "I'm going to go now, and I think you ought to do the same," Neela whispered, stepping back from him.

He only stepped closer in response. "No, you aren't going anywhere."

She felt a low thrill hum through her at the dangerous certainty in his voice. "You can't really think you can just _make_ me do what you want, Ray."

"I am unequivocally _certain_ that I can make you do what I want," he replied, his eyes burning into her as he stepped yet an inch closer.

Neela felt like her entire body was on fire. His scent was clogging up her brain – the wonderful scent of _him_, mixed with rain – he was so close, in fact, that it was manipulating every single one of her senses. And she suddenly didn't _want_ to back away.

"Oh, really, and how's that?" She whispered, looking up into those bright, green eyes.

"By making you do what _you_ want," he muttered, dipping his head to hers, tangling his hands with hers, closing his mouth over hers.

Neela felt like every nerve in her body was suddenly being frayed all at once. She moaned loudly, overwhelmed, as she allowed herself to be carried away by the intense waves of sensation that were suddenly rocking her system.

Ray continued to crush into her; harder, heavier, pushing her slowly back toward the wall. He kissed her hungrily, trying to draw her out, trying to break through the stubborn little wall she'd built up around herself, trying to make her _show_ him what she wanted – without words.

With no alcohol to muddle her thoughts this time, Neela felt something bordering on terror – and awe – as she clutched her fingers into his arms, helpless against her response to what he was doing to her. She could hear the sounds that were escaping her throat as if they were part of a dream – surely, that wasn't really _her_ – as she tilted her head back completely, allowing him to burn more kisses down the long line of her neck.

Her chest was pressed tightly up against his own, and Ray could feel her heart beating wildly against him. He found her lips again, leaning into them, opening his mouth to take her in greedily as she wound her arms around his waist, stroking her fingers up the length of his back, pressing her hips forward into his.

This time, it was Ray who was overwhelmed as Neela's enthusiasm began to explode. She slid her hands up into his hair, grabbing roughly at it, moaning again as he slipped his tongue in against hers. She allowed him in quite readily, for several long moments – then pulled back briefly before moving in to take a soft bite of his lower lip, running her fingers delicately along his jaw, driving him crazy.

The heat between them was absurd; Neela felt her scrub-top sticking to the skin of her chest as they carried on, finally bumping into the wall, where they'd slowly been moving all along.

Neela reveled in the incredible thrill of being trapped between Ray and an unmoving surface – _as it would have been if they were in bed together._ Her mind ran away with the idea, and she dug her nails into the nape of his neck, kissing him with pure, uncontrolled lust.

When Ray finally pulled back, the look in his eyes was unmistakable. Neela knew what he wanted – just as much as she wanted it – but there was also a heavy streak of satisfaction in his gaze, serious though it was.

"I told you I'd get what I wanted," he whispered, smirking, leaning back in to nip at her ear.

She closed her eyes tightly, feeling desperate, hooking a leg up around his thigh. "Fine. You win. I really don't even care."

He was nearly undone by the open invitation she was giving him. He slid in even more closely against her, pressed into her in what was nearly the most intimate manner possible, leaving a line of damp kisses along the generous amount of throat she had exposed to him.

Somehow, part of his brain managed to recall, just barely, where they were.

He pulled back again, against the heavy pull of promise she was offering. "Neela, wait a sec – "

She smiled, feeling bold, as she threw the other leg up around him and fisted her hands on either side of his head, linking her lips with his in an incredibly sexual manner that stopped all of his semi-rational thoughts right in their tracks.

"Neela," he breathed heavily, when she finally tore away for a moment. "Hold on – "

"Oh, what's the matter, are you afraid of getting what you asked for, now?" She challenged, digging her nails even more tightly into his hair, excited by the small wince that crossed his face.

"Oh, no, not at all. It's just that, well, we're… in the… uh… break room…"

"I don't really care," she whispered.

He swallowed hard, perfectly aware of what was being offered to him. With great reluctance, he pushed one of her legs down – and then the other.

"Not here. Not like this," he murmured, stroking her hair softly, trying to convince himself that he wasn't being an idiot for turning her down for the second time in a row.

Neela didn't look crushed this time, though. Her gaze had turned cool and understanding. "Right. We sort of got carried away there, didn't we?" She pulled her shirt straight, stepping away from him, smoothing her hair with a trembling hand.

"That may have been the understatement of the century," he laughed, trying to crush away his nerves – and the need that was still burning in him like fire.

"Well, I'd like to think we could actually behave like adults for five minutes," Neela said, still working to catch her breath.

"On a slightly different note, you're very lucky I didn't topple over," he laughed, desperate to make her smile.

And he was rewarded, as the sparkle came back to her eyes and her lips twitched into a grin. "I suppose I should think myself lucky, in that case."

"Indeed."

Their gazes were locked again; expressions serious almost to a fault. There was no going back from what they'd started – Ray knew that Neela was just as aware of that as he was. This was going to have to be finished – soon.

"What do you want to do, now?" He asked softly, not taking his eyes away from hers.

"I want to go someplace private," she said, looking both nervous and hopeful, her eyes wide and dark.

Ray reached out slowly and took her hand, allowing her to lead him out of the room.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimers/content: **Warning!!!!!!!!! This chapter is UNABASHEDLY M RATED! Please be aware of this if you want to continue reading :P

**Rating:** M

**Author's note: **Wow, over 200 reviews! I am absolutely shocked by the reception this story has gotten from you guys! I really hope that "the night" does them justice after such a long wait – and I know you will tell me whether or not it does! There will probably be one or two more chapters left after this one, so check back pretty soon for an update! (And please, note the warning above, lol).

* * *

Neela had thought that sneaking out of the break room was the hardest part. 

But as she found herself leading Ray up the stairs to her apartment, she realized that the most nerve-wracking moment was yet to come. _She only hoped she was prepared for it._

He was walking slowly behind her, remaining very quiet – Neela knew he was feeling just as excited and nervous as she was inside. Every part of her was practically tingling at the thought of what was going to happen tonight.

She fumbled her keys and nearly dropped them before opening the door.

Evening summer light was filtering in through the window blinds. It was still cloudy outside, but somehow it no longer seemed quite so gray. And, when she switched on one of her lamps, she realized that her apartment didn't seem quite so cold.

"Here it is," she announced quietly, looking around, trying to imagine what Ray was seeing as he looked at her apartment for the first time.

He took it in for a few moments, looking mildly curious, before turning his attention back to Neela. "Nice. So, uh, how do you like it here?"

She thought of the lonely nights, the cold, the silence that seemed louder than any noise Ray and his band had ever made when they stayed up practicing. "It's a place to live," she said vaguely, trying to give him a warm smile. She was suddenly overpowered by nerves.

"I like it," he said, trying to sound conversational – and failing miserably.

"Uh, s-sit down, I'll get us something to eat," Neela said, gesturing to her little kitchen table.

Ray jumped at the chance to occupy the silence, doing as she requested, looking too tall to be sitting at her tiny little table, with his hands folded on the top, watching her as she walked to and fro in her kitchen, looking for something to feed them.

"Damn," she muttered, frowning.

"What?"

"I don't really have anything."

He laughed – far longer than he should have, considering the lack of humor in her statement. But there was something about the way she was glaring at her cabinets, hands fisted on her hips, that amused him.

"That's ok, I'm not really hungry," he assured her, standing up again.

"No?"

"No."

"Oh, well then, I guess we can find something to watch on TV?" She suggested, nearly breathless.

Ray walked toward her slowly, the light glinting on his eyes as he stared at her, his expression determined.

"I didn't come here to watch TV with you," he muttered, placing each of his hands around her arms, pulling her gently a step closer.

"I know," she whispered.

They stared at each other for a moment, enjoying one last instant of calm rationality. Ray was looking at her with such interest, such care, such _need_ – Neela felt her heart skipping even as something warm and peaceful unfolded in her.

Carefully, slowly, and uncertainly, she lifted herself up on her toes and brushed a kiss against his lips.

Ray felt like a bolt of electricity had struck his system – his entire body was suddenly warm and tingling after just one touch. With his eyes still open, still taking her in, he leaned down and returned the gesture, his lips lingering with a burning intensity that left Neela to clutch at his sides for balance.

"Ray," she whispered, speaking against his mouth, sliding her arms around his waist to hold herself in place – for she feared that her knees might give way and allow her to slide into a pool right there on the floor.

His eyes met hers, wide and aware, enjoying the feel of her quickened breath against his lips. "Yeah?"

Overcome by emotion, Neela simply stretched herself back up to him for another kiss – hotter this time, and with much more certainty.

Ray thought he knew what it was she was trying to tell him, and it filled him with a warm kind of happiness that settled most of his nerves. He kissed her with all the enthusiasm that she was giving him, sliding his hands down her shoulders, to her waist, holding her as close to his body as was humanly possible. He enjoyed the feel of all her soft curves as she pressed herself even closer, her fingers threading slowly through his hair, her breathing loud and satisfied.

And with a sudden fever, he felt like he simply had to have her, _right now_.

"Neela," he whispered, his tone more urgent than he meant to let on.

"Mmm," she replied, stroking her fingers across the back of his neck, still giving him long, deep kisses.

Rather than asking her permission outright, he did the only thing he could think of – under the circumstances – and slipped his fingers up under the back of her shirt, sliding upward against her smooth skin, until he found the clip of her bra. He pulled back from her lips only for a moment, assessing the look in her eyes, trying to determine if he did, indeed, have permission.

Her response was incredible – for an instant, she looked at him with deep, pleading eyes – and in the next moment, she was kissing him with fervor, her mouth wide open, her breathing fast and heavy. It was all the encouragement he needed to carry on – and a moment later, the clip was undone, and Ray was running his hands around her sides, over her soft stomach, and then her breasts – which seemed to stun her to the point that she stopped all activity and buried her face in the crook of his neck, leaning heavily into his body.

Enjoying the incredible power he had found, Ray continued to stroke her slowly, dividing equal attention between her breasts and her stomach, tracing circles over the most sensitive areas of her skin.

Several noises escaped her throat as he continued with his torture – when he started nipping at her ear, as well, Neela was absolutely certain that she was going to melt right then and there. She was desperate to touch him, to cause this kind of response in him – but she was nearly paralyzed by the pleasure he was giving her now, and she simply couldn't move.

He stopped for a moment, resting his fingers on her ribs, his gaze meeting hers with a rush of near-blinding heat.

There wasn't any going back from this now. He knew it as well as she did.

Neela reached under her shirt and boldly grasped one of his hands, giving it a hard squeeze before pulling it out and tugging him in the direction of her low, wide sofa.

Ray felt an amazing thrill run through him as he realized that something that had once only lived in his wildest dreams – something amazing – was _actually_ about to become reality.

Neela stopped in front of the sofa, pulling Ray along a bit farther to show him, without words, that she wanted him to sit down first. He'd barely settled against the cushions when she climbed onto his lap, straddling his thighs, laying her body against his as she continued kissing him right where they'd left off.

Aroused beyond belief, Ray found the edge of Neela's shirt again and pulled it up, then off – bra and all – leaving her entirely topless. Even in his restless excitement, he paused to take a long look at her for the first time, nearly blown away by the perfection of her tiny waist, smooth belly, and full breasts. Each curve of her body met in a completely sensual, female way – so beautiful that he simply had to touch her, to explore those amazing curves with his fingers, pressing warm kisses to every spot he could reach.

Surprised by his boldness, Neela stared back at his face for a moment, watching his gaze as it roamed over her exposed body – and she felt marvelously sinful, sitting atop him, half undressed, while he remained entirely clothed. And when he kissed her – first, her throat, then her chest, then her breasts – she felt her breath strangle in her throat, so electric was the sensation.

"You are absolutely gorgeous," he managed, running his fingertips down along her sides, making her shiver.

"Enough about me," she gasped, barely a whisper, reaching down his back, leaning into his chest – enthralled by the sensation of warm cotton rubbing against her breasts – as she found the edges of his own shirt with her fingers, pulling it up and off, taking in the sight of him.

They kissed again – slowly, deeply, almost lazily – for what seemed like an eternity. Ray's fingers played gently at the small of her back, whispering against her skin, as he enjoyed the wonderfully erotic sensation of her breasts pressed against his chest.

Neela felt herself continually tripping over each little sensation – she was so on edge, every little touch was like a shock. His fingers on her back – his warm skin against her nipples – his tounge, playing with her own – she suddenly feared that he might push her over the edge without even touching her where she craved it most.

With shaking fingers, she reached down to where her hips were wrapped around his own – kissing him with heightened passion – and found the snap on his jeans. Ray responded immediately, digging his fingers into her back, urging her on. She pulled the zipper down next, feeling bolder, moving her lips to his neck, sliding her fingers into his pants, quickly finding what she was looking for.

"_Neela,_" he whispered, his voice thick in his throat. He was almost in disbelief that she was actually touching him.

"Now," she pleaded, her voice quiet and urgent.

She quickly undid the string of her scrub pants, not taking much time to remove them. She tugged at Ray's pants, as well, until they were down just far enough – and she wasn't shy about pausing a moment just to look at him, amazed at the arousal she had caused in him. The desire she felt now was nearly overwhelming.

"That's far enough," Ray muttered, stopping her from pulling his pants any farther down, cracking an embarrassed smile.

With a start, Neela realized that he probably didn't want her to see any more of his legs than was required. She quickly removed her fingertips, smirking at him, instantly respecting his decision. She lowered herself back down slowly, hips against hips, heat against heat –

Almost immediately, he slipped into her, filling her completely, sending a rush of heat through her body like nothing she'd ever quite experienced in her life.

The shy smile disappeared from his face, replaced by the most serious, intense expression she had ever seen in his eyes. She didn't even blink, not wanting to break the sobriety of the gaze they were sharing, eyes only inches apart, bodies linked in the most intimate manner possible.

The moment seemed to last forever. Then, slowly, keeping his eyes linked with hers, Ray started to move – slow, deep thrusts that weakened her so that she could do little else but grind her hips against his, in a slow compliment to his rhythm – so deep, so intense, that she felt like she might explode at any moment.

He quickened his pace so gradually that Neela might not have noticed, but for the fact that she was getting breathless, moving against him with more urgency, clutching wildly at his shoulders, continuing to meet the intensity in his eyes.

She could feel her climax approaching swiftly, burning all the way through her, starting as a searing heat and ending as wave upon wave of indescribable pleasure. Her body shook nearly uncontrollably as she gasped and moaned, digging her nails into his skin, allowing her eyes to fall shut as she rode out the flurry of sensations.

His breath caught in his throat loudly only a few seconds later, thrusting hard just a few more times as he reached his own finish deep within her.

Neela melted against Ray's chest, burying her face against his throat, her hands limp against the tops of his shoulders now. She could feel his pulse racing, and he was taking deep breaths, trying to catch his sanity.

She could feel her own body relaxing, inch by inch, as the satisfaction unfurled within her, leaving her to feel something else she thought she would never feel again – undiluted happiness.

"Well," he breathed, running a lazy hand down her back.

"Indeed," she muttered, chuckling against his skin.

"I don't know about you," Ray said, "But I'm feeling pretty damn good right now."

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimers/content: **This story is rated T, with only the exception of Chapter 15, which was M. We're back to T for this one.

**Rating:** T

**Author's note: **I'm so glad that everyone enjoyed "the night"! I had hoped to do them justice, and I gather that I did it pretty well (or should I say, _they_ did it pretty well, tee-hee). The story is coming to a close; there will be one last chapter after this one, so I hope you are enjoying it as it comes closer to the end! I have plenty of other story ideas floating around in my head, so after this story (and a little break) I'll be at it again. :)

* * *

"No. No more horror films," Neela declared, snatching the remote control from Ray's fingertips.

"Hey, _hey_, this is a good one," he replied, reaching for the control – as Neela held it far beyond reach.

"No. We're gonna watch something _I_ want, for once," she said primly, pointing the remote at the TV, still out of his reach.

They were curled up on the sofa together, side by side, with a light blanket draped over them. It had been several hours since they'd made love – _made love,_ _for the first time_, Neela thought, nearly giddy – and they had finally decided to watch TV and order out for some food.

The Chinese food was wonderful, but so far, the television choices were nil. Neela didn't know what they were going to watch, but she _knew_ it wasn't going to be "The Ring".

"Fine, then. Pick something," he laughed, giving up his campaign for the remote – and moving his fingertips under the blanket to touch her stomach again. Gently, he traced his fingers up and down the long scar that was left from her surgery.

"Ray, don't," she muttered, shifting away. "That scar is hideous."

"I don't care. It's on your body, and your body is beautiful." He traced a warm line of kisses down the side of her arm; the only spot his lips could readily reach.

"That scar is _not_ beautiful," she replied, shaking her head.

"Well then, it's a good thing you didn't see my legs," he said, matter-of-factly, sitting up straight again.

"Don't be ridiculous. That wouldn't have bothered me a bit. It seemed to bother _you_."

"Well, if my legs don't bother you, then why should you think your scar bothers me?" Ray replied, smirking at her.

As Neela pondered this, Ray took advantage and reached around, snatching the remote control from her grasp.

"Ray!"

"Don't worry, I won't put it on a horror film," he laughed, his eyes glittering with victory.

* * *

A long time later, when a two-hour marathon of "Band of Brothers" had finally ended, Neela stretched her legs and turned to Ray, who seemed thoughtful – and very, very content.

"So, what's on your mind?" She asked, smiling sweetly at him.

"Well, I'm thinking about what's happened here between us tonight," he said, his amazement still showing in his grin.

"Ah. Well, it'd be hard to forget," she joked, sitting forward to turn and look at him directly.

"So where are we going from here?" He asked, still smiling.

"Ray, tonight was incredible. It was everything I could have hoped for. And I know it's been a long time since we last saw each other, but this past week – this _chance encounter_ – has been amazing. I've been reminded of everything that I'd ever only dreamed of in the past." Neela looked at him with all the optimism and joy that was alight in her eyes.

Ray felt his heart flutter just a little bit more in his chest. "Me too. This is definitely something I've always wanted, but only ever dreamed of. And now that I know what this could be like, I don't want to let go of it."

"Me, either." Neela's eyes were wide, her face sincere.

"So, let's just… not let go of it," he laughed, not quite sure how to put his thoughts into words.

"Ok, then. We won't let go of it." Neela clapped her hands together in determination – then snickered.

"What's so funny?"

"This seems almost silly… like we're promising each other to stay together now. I feel like a teenager." She rolled her eyes.

"Well, silly or not, I'm in love with you, and I'm completely serious," Ray said, grasping her hand and kissing the top of it.

Overwhelmed by his simple honesty, Neela felt her eyes start stinging. "Ray, I'm in love with you, too. And even if this seems silly, I'm also totally serious. I don't want this to end. There's no reason this should have to end. Why fight something when we both want it so much? We should know to avoid that mistake again, shouldn't we?"

"We damn well better," he laughed, pulling her to him, holding her tightly in his arms, savoring her warmth, her smell – _her_.

"The practicalities are mind-boggling…" Neela began, but Ray cut her off with a laugh.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to keep your mind away from the logistics of this for more than ten seconds," he said, loving that she was so true to form. "Don't worry about the damned _practicalities_, ok?"

"I have to," Neela murmured, but she was smiling. "You live in Baton Rouge, after all… and I live here in Chicago."

"So I'll move here. I'll be a counselor here. I'll go back a few times to wrap up with my current office and then I'll interview up here. I doubt it'd be hard to find a job like that in a big city like Chicago." Ray said it as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

* * *

Much later, when they were both curled up in Neela's bed – entirely without clothes this time, tucked under her silk sheets and warm blankets – Ray awoke beside her, shifting to wrap an arm around her and pull her body right into all the matching curves of his own.

They'd made love again, here, before falling asleep – and it had rivaled even the first time.

Now he breathed in her scent, smiling with deep satisfaction as he recalled what it had been like to finally touch her, taste her – _be_ with her – and how he could look forward to it all again, as often as he liked.

Neela was worried about the practicalities, but in his opinion, practicalities could be damned. Nothing was more important than this love they had found together. Nothing was more important than the resolution of this relationship, which had started so long ago, so long ago in his memories, when he was a different person in a different world – but always in love with Neela.

She shifted gently in his arms, rolling until her delicate face was pressed lightly against his chest, her breathing soft and quiet, her hair a beautiful, soft, dark tangle around her face.

Ray simply lay there, studying her perfect features, inhaling her beautiful scent, appreciating all he had finally been given – until, once again, he fell asleep.

* * *


	17. Epilogue

**Disclaimers/content: **This story is rated T, with only the exception of Chapter 15, which was M. This chapter is T.

**Rating:** T

**Author's note: **This is it!!! I have quite the mix of sadness and joy as I come to the end of writing this story. It has been two months of fun, well-spent time, and I cannot express to you enough how much your thoughts and ideas have meant to me with each chapter I've written. Over 200 reviews is just mind-boggling to me. I'm so glad that so many of you have enjoyed my little tale, and I will surely be writing more over the next few months. I'm not quite sure which idea I'm going to pluck from my imagination and take a run with yet, but I'll be doing it soon! Again, thank you so much for reading this story, and I certainly hope you enjoy the ending!

-- Sara

* * *

Eight Months Later…

Ray snickered, sipping his drink, watching as Abby and Joe danced furiously to the tune of "Get Down Tonight".

Neela touched his arm a moment later, her smile brighter than her eyes. "Aren't they a cute couple?" she laughed, watching as mother and son twirled each other endlessly on the dance floor. Joe nearly crashed into Pratt, who was busy dancing it up with one of the new interns from the emergency room.

Stars were shining through the light cloud cover overhead; the weather was simply gorgeous. Only hours before, Ray and Neela had said their vows in front of their most trusted friends – and their respective families – as the sun had turned the sky deep shades of gold and pink all around them. Now that night had fallen, the party was well underway, and everyone seemed to be having an excellent time.

Ray took Neela's hand, staring down at the new, shiny ring on her finger. His ring. His _wife._ Nearly overwhelmed with joy once more, he lifted her fingers and kissed them gently, with such a serious expression that Neela could barely keep from laughing again.

"This has been so beautiful," she said softly, not wanting to break the moment. _The best moment of her life._

"It's beautiful, getting everything you've ever wanted," Ray agreed, still looking very serious. He continued to hold her hand in his own, and a happy smile crept onto his face. "I can't really think of anything that could make this better."

"Well, the trip to Italy isn't going to hurt anything," Neela replied with a smirk, giving his hand a squeeze. She looked at his wedding ring with her own fair share of awe, allowing the warm sensation of possession to run through her. Her _husband._

"I'll take you anywhere you want," he said sweetly, pulling her close, leaning down for a soft kiss, one of probably a hundred that they'd already shared this day.

"Will you now?" Neela purred, eyes glittering.

"Yeah, especially later," he growled, looking satisfied with himself.

"I've no doubt of it," she whispered, returning his kiss with one of her own.

"Hey, you two, get out here and dance with us!" Hope demanded, standing on the dance floor with her hands fisted on her hips, looking hot and sweaty from non-stop dancing.

Neela snickered, pulling Ray behind her as she headed for the dance floor. Luka had cut in on Joe to dance with his wife – now Joe was busy dancing circles around Hope and Morris.

A new song started, and Ray rocked back and forth gently with Neela, knowing that dancing was not really his strong suit. She didn't seem to mind – she simply tucked her head into the space between his jaw and his shoulder, leaning into him, swaying with him to the music.

"Look at you two," Abby laughed, passing by them with her arms wrapped around Luka, looking absolutely overjoyed.

"Now you have to start making babies," Luka said pointedly, staring down at Joe as he passed by them, wriggling his little body excitedly to the music.

"Hey, let us have a honeymoon first," Neela chuckled, tugging gently on the back of Ray's shirt.

"Sure, but I can't wait too long," Abby said, her voice dead-pan.

"Ok, then," Ray said, nodding enthusiastically. "I'm sure we can get busy on that for you."

Neela slapped his shoulder playfully. "Hey, we've got to have our fun first."

"Something tells me that the process of making a baby will be lots of fun," Ray assured her.

Her cheeks actually flushed – and she couldn't even muster a come-back. She could see Abby laughing from the corner of her eye.

Enjoying himself, Ray pulled Neela's face back to his chest, still rocking with her to the music. He wanted to request some of his more favored brand of music, but he had a feeling he'd clear out half the party if he started blaring punk – and what he had was more than good enough.

He moved with Neela until they'd gotten close to one of the tables – and he pulled her down into a chair, sitting her on his lap, hooking his arms around her middle, resting his chin on her shoulder – utterly content.

"We throw one hell of a party, don't we?" He asked.

"Sure do," Neela agreed, covering his hands with her own.

He leaned just far enough over her shoulder to look into her eyes. "I love you so much, Neela," he whispered, tightening his grasp around her body.

"And I love you," she said, her voice just as soft – as she pressed another kiss to his lips.

Another song started up – something very romantic this time – just as a breeze worked it's way through the night air, causing the little yellow flames on all of the candles to flicker ever so slightly. Neela closed her eyes, inhaling the cool air deeply –

And she could have sworn she smelled lilacs.

* * *


End file.
